Act 5
Act 5 DikiyobaThe Spiderwebbers begin planning to thwart the thing...
Scene 1: General Forum
Scene 1: General Forum DikiyobaThe haakai and half a dozen summoned demons are causing as much destruction as possible when Ephesos and Demonslayer enter. The haakai notices them immediately.
Haakai: Get them!
The demons rush them. Ephesos steps forward.
Ephesos: Repel spirit! Repel spirit! Retribution! Repel spirit! Retribution! Retribution! Repel spirit!
The demons and the haakai are all hit repeatedly by bolts of magical energy. The demons are all blasted apart. Critically injured, the haakai collapses.
Ephesos: Retribution!
The haakai disintegrates into a small pile of ashes as the spell hits it.
Ephesos: That took care of them.
Demonslayer: Well, I was completely useless.
Ephesos and Demonslayer exit. A moment later, Zorro enters, still holding the remains of Galactic Core. He kicks the pile of ashes for good measure and then opens the door and exits the message board.
Haakai: Get them!
The demons rush them. Ephesos steps forward.
Ephesos: Repel spirit! Repel spirit! Retribution! Repel spirit! Retribution! Retribution! Repel spirit!
The demons and the haakai are all hit repeatedly by bolts of magical energy. The demons are all blasted apart. Critically injured, the haakai collapses.
Ephesos: Retribution!
The haakai disintegrates into a small pile of ashes as the spell hits it.
Ephesos: That took care of them.
Demonslayer: Well, I was completely useless.
Ephesos and Demonslayer exit. A moment later, Zorro enters, still holding the remains of Galactic Core. He kicks the pile of ashes for good measure and then opens the door and exits the message board.
Scene 2: Avernum 4 Forum
Scene 2: Avernum 4 Forum DikiyobaAlorael and Arancaytar enter. Arancaytar is being careful to stay behind Alorael so that he won't accidentally be sniped. Alorael opens the bottle of skribban and drinks it.
Arancaytar: Do you notice anything odd about this forum?
Alorael: It's dark.
Arancaytar: No, I meant that it looks like someone has already been cleaning this place up.
There is a rustling noise alongside them. They both aim their weapons in the general direction of the noise. There is another rustling sound behind them. Arancaytar turns to face that direction.
Arancaytar: I thought that there was only one thing.
There is a high-pitched gasp of shock from the shadows.
Arancaytar: Oh, great. There are still some GIFTS arou...
A high-pitched yet cultured voice interrupts him.
Filth Finder: Excuse me! We are neither things nor GIFTS. We are giant intelligent friendly talking roaches! I'm Filth Finder and this is my mate, Garbage Gatherer. This forum is just perfect for raising all three hundred of our children. It's dark, there are plenty of places to hide, and there is currently lots of trash lying about for us to collect.
There is an awkward silence.
Garbage Gatherer: Do you think you could stop aiming at us? We aren't going to hurt you and it's highly unlikely that you could hit us anyway.
Alorael and Arancaytar lower their weapons.
Garbage Gatherer: Thank you! Now, don't worry about us. You won't ever see us and we'll gather up any filth in this forum. I'd say you're cute but I already have a mate. So bye!
Arancaytar: Wait! Do you know anything about the thing?
Filth Finder: No. We've heard of it but we haven't seen it. The two of us tend to stick close together, so it shouldn't be a problem for us. Good luck hunting it down. Oh, and Infernal666hate is down that tunnel to your left. Bye!
Filth Finder and Garbage Gatherer scuttle off.
Arancaytar: That was just weird. They are helpful, though. I didn't even realize that there was a tunnel to the left.
After a quick search, Alorael and Arancaytar find the tunnel and walk down it. Arancaytar finally spots Infernal666hate, lying unconscious with the pieces of demonslayer nearby.
Arancaytar: We're too late. The thing already found Infernal.
Infernal666hate sits up and holds up the three pieces of demonslayer.
Infernal666hate: Its brokerage.
Arancaytar: What did you say?
Infernal666hate: Dam battalion languor! Gah!
Arancaytar: Oh. I see. Apparently, the thing doesn't affect everyone the same way.
Infernal666hate: Know, hit dose knot.
Arancaytar: Alorael, are you feeling okay? You've been quiet for a long time.
Alorael: I feel odd. Like... like...
Arancaytar: Like what? Like starting a new gimmick?
Alorael: No. I feel like giving up sniping and skribbane and gimmicks.
Alorael hands Arancaytar his sniper rifle and skribbane potions.
Infernal666hate: Watt!
Arancaytar: You can't be serious! What are you planning to do instead?
Alorael: I'll work to improve the safety and happiness of pedestrians.
Arancaytar: You're joking!
Alorael: No, I'm not! I really do want to do that. In fact, I'd like to start right now.
Arancaytar squints at the bottle in Alorael's hand.
Arancaytar: Wait... that isn't a skribbane potion. That's a skribban potion.
Infernal666hate: Watts the differential?
Arancaytar: Quite a lot, apparently. Here. This is a skribbane potion. Drink it, Alorael.
Arancaytar offers Alorael a potion. Alorael pushes it away.
Alorael: No, thank you. Skribbane is a terrible and dangerous drug.
Arancaytar sighs.
Arancaytar: All right, all right. Let's rejoin the others.
Arancaytar, Alorael, and Infernal666hate exit. In another tunnel, Bomber and Lord Llama are wandering aimlessly around.
Bomber: Where do you think we are?
Lord Llama: i dunno i think a4 is teh best gam dont u
Bomber: I suppose it's good. What do you like about it?
Lord Llama: i lik mjnjbhhf
Bomber: What? Your English is so bad not even I can understand you.
Lord Llama is looking right at the thing yet doesn't realize it. So Lord Llama doesn't react as the thing sneaks up behind Bomber. Suddenly, Bomber falls over unconscious. Lord Llama stares. The thing slinks away quickly.
Lord Llama: bomer wats rong
After a moment, Bomber regains consciousness and gets to his feet.
Lord Llama: bomer wats rong
Bomber: i dont realy kno lets go bak
Bomber and Lord Llama eventually find their way back to the main cave and exit.
Arancaytar: Do you notice anything odd about this forum?
Alorael: It's dark.
Arancaytar: No, I meant that it looks like someone has already been cleaning this place up.
There is a rustling noise alongside them. They both aim their weapons in the general direction of the noise. There is another rustling sound behind them. Arancaytar turns to face that direction.
Arancaytar: I thought that there was only one thing.
There is a high-pitched gasp of shock from the shadows.
Arancaytar: Oh, great. There are still some GIFTS arou...
A high-pitched yet cultured voice interrupts him.
Filth Finder: Excuse me! We are neither things nor GIFTS. We are giant intelligent friendly talking roaches! I'm Filth Finder and this is my mate, Garbage Gatherer. This forum is just perfect for raising all three hundred of our children. It's dark, there are plenty of places to hide, and there is currently lots of trash lying about for us to collect.
There is an awkward silence.
Garbage Gatherer: Do you think you could stop aiming at us? We aren't going to hurt you and it's highly unlikely that you could hit us anyway.
Alorael and Arancaytar lower their weapons.
Garbage Gatherer: Thank you! Now, don't worry about us. You won't ever see us and we'll gather up any filth in this forum. I'd say you're cute but I already have a mate. So bye!
Arancaytar: Wait! Do you know anything about the thing?
Filth Finder: No. We've heard of it but we haven't seen it. The two of us tend to stick close together, so it shouldn't be a problem for us. Good luck hunting it down. Oh, and Infernal666hate is down that tunnel to your left. Bye!
Filth Finder and Garbage Gatherer scuttle off.
Arancaytar: That was just weird. They are helpful, though. I didn't even realize that there was a tunnel to the left.
After a quick search, Alorael and Arancaytar find the tunnel and walk down it. Arancaytar finally spots Infernal666hate, lying unconscious with the pieces of demonslayer nearby.
Arancaytar: We're too late. The thing already found Infernal.
Infernal666hate sits up and holds up the three pieces of demonslayer.
Infernal666hate: Its brokerage.
Arancaytar: What did you say?
Infernal666hate: Dam battalion languor! Gah!
Arancaytar: Oh. I see. Apparently, the thing doesn't affect everyone the same way.
Infernal666hate: Know, hit dose knot.
Arancaytar: Alorael, are you feeling okay? You've been quiet for a long time.
Alorael: I feel odd. Like... like...
Arancaytar: Like what? Like starting a new gimmick?
Alorael: No. I feel like giving up sniping and skribbane and gimmicks.
Alorael hands Arancaytar his sniper rifle and skribbane potions.
Infernal666hate: Watt!
Arancaytar: You can't be serious! What are you planning to do instead?
Alorael: I'll work to improve the safety and happiness of pedestrians.
Arancaytar: You're joking!
Alorael: No, I'm not! I really do want to do that. In fact, I'd like to start right now.
Arancaytar squints at the bottle in Alorael's hand.
Arancaytar: Wait... that isn't a skribbane potion. That's a skribban potion.
Infernal666hate: Watts the differential?
Arancaytar: Quite a lot, apparently. Here. This is a skribbane potion. Drink it, Alorael.
Arancaytar offers Alorael a potion. Alorael pushes it away.
Alorael: No, thank you. Skribbane is a terrible and dangerous drug.
Arancaytar sighs.
Arancaytar: All right, all right. Let's rejoin the others.
Arancaytar, Alorael, and Infernal666hate exit. In another tunnel, Bomber and Lord Llama are wandering aimlessly around.
Bomber: Where do you think we are?
Lord Llama: i dunno i think a4 is teh best gam dont u
Bomber: I suppose it's good. What do you like about it?
Lord Llama: i lik mjnjbhhf
Bomber: What? Your English is so bad not even I can understand you.
Lord Llama is looking right at the thing yet doesn't realize it. So Lord Llama doesn't react as the thing sneaks up behind Bomber. Suddenly, Bomber falls over unconscious. Lord Llama stares. The thing slinks away quickly.
Lord Llama: bomer wats rong
After a moment, Bomber regains consciousness and gets to his feet.
Lord Llama: bomer wats rong
Bomber: i dont realy kno lets go bak
Bomber and Lord Llama eventually find their way back to the main cave and exit.
Scene 3: Wikipedia Main Page
Scene 3: Wikipedia Main Page DikiyobaSlartucker sits at a desk, browsing through files of information. After several minutes, he throws the files up into the air in disgust.
Slartucker: I've been here for over an hour. There's absolutely nothing about this thing! Not even a stub! Not even a passing mention in some other entry! Wikipedia has never failed me like this before!
Slartucker gets up and exits. A moment later, he comes back wearing a leather jacket and carrying a bag of beef jerky and nine tallow candles. He looks around to make sure he is alone. Then he sets the candles up in a circle with the bag of jerky in the middle. He lights the candles and kneels down.
Slartucker: Oh, all-cowerful Nine-Headed Cave Cow, the current state of the Spiderweb Software Message Boards behooves me to call upon you to ask for some of your mooving wisdom. The fate of the entire Spiderweb Software Message Boards is at steak. Please steer me in the right direction, or else the thing will turn the forums and everyone on them into hamburger.
The Nine-Headed Cave Cow appears in the circle. All of the heads speak at once.
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: I am here. Speak.
Slartucker: I humbly crave your advice on how to defeat the thing.
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: I can't tell you that. You must discover the answer yourself.
Slartucker: How should I do that?
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: You must also figure that out yourself. Or perhaps you wish to take another path?
Slartucker: Like what?
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: You could always leave the Spiderweb Software Message Boards and its members to the thing. They're all either White cultists or Vahnatai creationists anyway. You could go out to a greener pasture and convert others to the true, mooving religion instead.
Slartucker: You're not asking me to leave the forums, are you? I just got a church going there!
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: No. But it is an option. And not a bad one either, since if you get attacked by the thing, you'll lose your ability to cast cowerful spells.
Slartucker: Wait... I can cast spells?
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: Yes. Who was in charge of commoonicating that to you? He or she will get a swift kick the next time I visit them. I...
The Nine-Headed Cave Cow suddenly vanishes as a flamer, a 1337 hax0r and two noobs enter. The candles go out and the now-empty bag blows away. Slartucker gets up.
Slartucker: Why did he and she vanish? I wanted to ask about the spells.
Flamer: What a nerd.
1337 h4x0r: lol
Slartucker turns around quickly.
Slartucker: Where did you come from?
Flamer: How dumb are you, anyway? The Internet. Where else?
Slartucker: I had hoped to never see a noob ever again.
Flamer: That's just too bad. Get him!
The 1337 ha4x0r jumps forward and swings its axe at Slartucker.
Slartucker: Um... moove slowly!
The 1337 h4x0r is instantly trapped in slow motion. Slartucker dodges easily.
Slartucker: Ha! Udder destruction!
The flamer, 1337 ha4x0r, and the two noobs are stuck by magical energy and instantly die.
Slartucker: That was impressive. It should work well on anything, including the thing.
Slartucker looks over at the ring of candles. It remains empty.
Slartucker: I'll talk to the Nine-Headed Cave Cow again later.
Slartucker exits.
Slartucker: I've been here for over an hour. There's absolutely nothing about this thing! Not even a stub! Not even a passing mention in some other entry! Wikipedia has never failed me like this before!
Slartucker gets up and exits. A moment later, he comes back wearing a leather jacket and carrying a bag of beef jerky and nine tallow candles. He looks around to make sure he is alone. Then he sets the candles up in a circle with the bag of jerky in the middle. He lights the candles and kneels down.
Slartucker: Oh, all-cowerful Nine-Headed Cave Cow, the current state of the Spiderweb Software Message Boards behooves me to call upon you to ask for some of your mooving wisdom. The fate of the entire Spiderweb Software Message Boards is at steak. Please steer me in the right direction, or else the thing will turn the forums and everyone on them into hamburger.
The Nine-Headed Cave Cow appears in the circle. All of the heads speak at once.
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: I am here. Speak.
Slartucker: I humbly crave your advice on how to defeat the thing.
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: I can't tell you that. You must discover the answer yourself.
Slartucker: How should I do that?
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: You must also figure that out yourself. Or perhaps you wish to take another path?
Slartucker: Like what?
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: You could always leave the Spiderweb Software Message Boards and its members to the thing. They're all either White cultists or Vahnatai creationists anyway. You could go out to a greener pasture and convert others to the true, mooving religion instead.
Slartucker: You're not asking me to leave the forums, are you? I just got a church going there!
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: No. But it is an option. And not a bad one either, since if you get attacked by the thing, you'll lose your ability to cast cowerful spells.
Slartucker: Wait... I can cast spells?
Nine-Headed Cave Cow: Yes. Who was in charge of commoonicating that to you? He or she will get a swift kick the next time I visit them. I...
The Nine-Headed Cave Cow suddenly vanishes as a flamer, a 1337 hax0r and two noobs enter. The candles go out and the now-empty bag blows away. Slartucker gets up.
Slartucker: Why did he and she vanish? I wanted to ask about the spells.
Flamer: What a nerd.
1337 h4x0r: lol
Slartucker turns around quickly.
Slartucker: Where did you come from?
Flamer: How dumb are you, anyway? The Internet. Where else?
Slartucker: I had hoped to never see a noob ever again.
Flamer: That's just too bad. Get him!
The 1337 ha4x0r jumps forward and swings its axe at Slartucker.
Slartucker: Um... moove slowly!
The 1337 h4x0r is instantly trapped in slow motion. Slartucker dodges easily.
Slartucker: Ha! Udder destruction!
The flamer, 1337 ha4x0r, and the two noobs are stuck by magical energy and instantly die.
Slartucker: That was impressive. It should work well on anything, including the thing.
Slartucker looks over at the ring of candles. It remains empty.
Slartucker: I'll talk to the Nine-Headed Cave Cow again later.
Slartucker exits.
Scene 4: Tech Support Forum
Scene 4: Tech Support Forum DikiyobaDikiyoba hands Zephyr Tempest an energy potion. Zephyr Tempest drinks it. Arancaytar, Alorael, and Infernal666hate enter. The Spiderwebbers stare at Arancaytar, who is carrying Alorael's rifle, and at the broken demonslayer that Infernal666hate is carrying.
Jumpin' Salmon: Aran, why are you carrying Alo's rifle?
Arancaytar: He doesn't want it any more.
Jumpin' Salmon: Can I have it? Please?
Arancaytar looks over at Alorael. Alorael appears to be lost in thought.
Alorael: Hmm. I wonder whether that would make crosswalks safer...
Arancaytar hands the sniper rifle to Jumpin' Salmon. Then he drops the bag of skribbane potions in a corner. GoldenKing eyes the potions.
GoldenKing: Must risist...
Drakefyre: Now what happened?
Infernal666hate: Hat thin most bee stomped!
Jumpin' Salmon: Er, what?
Arancaytar: Infernal666hate was attacked by the thing and Alorael accidentally drank a skribban potion. Oh, and there are GIFTRs in the Avernum 4 Forum.
Ephesos looks up from the energy potion he is making.
Ephesos: Giant Intelligent Friendly Talking Roaches? Well, better than the GIFTS, I suppose.
Dikiyoba hands Zeviz an energy potion.
Zeviz: Thank you.
Zeviz drinks the potion. Slartucker enters the forum, trying to be unobtrusive.
Thuryl: Did you find out anything about the thing, Slartucker?
Slartucker: Unfortunately, I didn't.
Bomber and Lord Llama enter.
Lord Llama: tat wuz fun
Bomber: yes it wuz.
Before Lord Llama and Bomber can continue their conversation, Jumpin' Salmon clears his throat.
Jumpin' Salmon: I haven't had a chance to try out this new rifle and I will take the opportunity if it presents itself. Do you get what I'm saying?
Bomber looks confused.
Bomber: no, wat
Jumpin' Salmon: Annoy me enough and I'll shoot. So be quiet.
Bomber: oh
GoldenKing edges closer to the bag of skribbane potions.
GoldenKing: They look so good...
Zorro enters with a new copy of Galactic Core.
Tyranicus: Hey! You got another copy!
Zorro: Yes. Another two, actually. I had to contact Jeff personally and pay for them both, but it was more than worth it. I can revive more Spiderwebbers as soon as I get some elements.
GoldenKing realizes just how close he is to the skribbane and quickly walks to the other side of the forum. Zephyr Tempest summons some selenium correctly this time. Zorro takes it and revives Croikle. Zeviz summons some phosphorus, allowing Zorro to revive Randomizer.
Randomizer: I'm a mage, too. Can I help?
Zeviz: Sure.
While Zeviz teaches Randomizer the spell, Drakefyre summons some radon. Zorro revives *i.
*i: What have I missed?
Drakefyre and *i confer together. In the meantime, Zephyr Tempest summons some gallium. Zeviz and Randomizer summon some silicon. Zorro revives Khoth and Wise Man. Finally, Drakefyre addresses all the Spiderwebbers.
Drakefyre: *i and I have decided that I will lead a small group to go look for the thing. I'm taking Kelandon and a few others who want to go along. The mages, Zorro, and anyone else involved in reviving Spiderwebbers will continue what they are doing. The rest of you will be divided into two groups. Some of you will help *i create the machinery needed to create antimatter. The rest of you will go clean up the Announcements Forum.
Marlenny: If Kel is part of the group, then I want to be part of it, too.
The Silent Assassin waves his hand in the air.
Lord Grimm: The Silent Assassin thinks that he is a natural choice, since he is protected against the thing. And I'd like to go as well. If only to translate for him.
Slartucker: I'd like to go. I have some spells I'd like to try out on the thing, if I get a chance.
Fatman: I'm tempted to volunteer. In fact, I think I will. Though it doesn't really matter, since I know all attempts to track down the thing will probably be futile.
Nicothodes: I will stab the thing with my mechanical pencil.
Fatman: I don't think you'll be able to hurt the thing.
Nicothodes: Do not underestimate the power of the mechanical pencil.
Nikki: I want to come!
Drakefyre: Anyone else? No?
Nikki: Ooh! Me! Me!
Drakefyre: Then Kelandon and I will take Marlenny, Lord Grimm, the Silent Assassin, Slartucker, Fatman, and Nicothodes.
They exit.
Nikki: Not fair!
Jumpin' Salmon: Aran, why are you carrying Alo's rifle?
Arancaytar: He doesn't want it any more.
Jumpin' Salmon: Can I have it? Please?
Arancaytar looks over at Alorael. Alorael appears to be lost in thought.
Alorael: Hmm. I wonder whether that would make crosswalks safer...
Arancaytar hands the sniper rifle to Jumpin' Salmon. Then he drops the bag of skribbane potions in a corner. GoldenKing eyes the potions.
GoldenKing: Must risist...
Drakefyre: Now what happened?
Infernal666hate: Hat thin most bee stomped!
Jumpin' Salmon: Er, what?
Arancaytar: Infernal666hate was attacked by the thing and Alorael accidentally drank a skribban potion. Oh, and there are GIFTRs in the Avernum 4 Forum.
Ephesos looks up from the energy potion he is making.
Ephesos: Giant Intelligent Friendly Talking Roaches? Well, better than the GIFTS, I suppose.
Dikiyoba hands Zeviz an energy potion.
Zeviz: Thank you.
Zeviz drinks the potion. Slartucker enters the forum, trying to be unobtrusive.
Thuryl: Did you find out anything about the thing, Slartucker?
Slartucker: Unfortunately, I didn't.
Bomber and Lord Llama enter.
Lord Llama: tat wuz fun
Bomber: yes it wuz.
Before Lord Llama and Bomber can continue their conversation, Jumpin' Salmon clears his throat.
Jumpin' Salmon: I haven't had a chance to try out this new rifle and I will take the opportunity if it presents itself. Do you get what I'm saying?
Bomber looks confused.
Bomber: no, wat
Jumpin' Salmon: Annoy me enough and I'll shoot. So be quiet.
Bomber: oh
GoldenKing edges closer to the bag of skribbane potions.
GoldenKing: They look so good...
Zorro enters with a new copy of Galactic Core.
Tyranicus: Hey! You got another copy!
Zorro: Yes. Another two, actually. I had to contact Jeff personally and pay for them both, but it was more than worth it. I can revive more Spiderwebbers as soon as I get some elements.
GoldenKing realizes just how close he is to the skribbane and quickly walks to the other side of the forum. Zephyr Tempest summons some selenium correctly this time. Zorro takes it and revives Croikle. Zeviz summons some phosphorus, allowing Zorro to revive Randomizer.
Randomizer: I'm a mage, too. Can I help?
Zeviz: Sure.
While Zeviz teaches Randomizer the spell, Drakefyre summons some radon. Zorro revives *i.
*i: What have I missed?
Drakefyre and *i confer together. In the meantime, Zephyr Tempest summons some gallium. Zeviz and Randomizer summon some silicon. Zorro revives Khoth and Wise Man. Finally, Drakefyre addresses all the Spiderwebbers.
Drakefyre: *i and I have decided that I will lead a small group to go look for the thing. I'm taking Kelandon and a few others who want to go along. The mages, Zorro, and anyone else involved in reviving Spiderwebbers will continue what they are doing. The rest of you will be divided into two groups. Some of you will help *i create the machinery needed to create antimatter. The rest of you will go clean up the Announcements Forum.
Marlenny: If Kel is part of the group, then I want to be part of it, too.
The Silent Assassin waves his hand in the air.
Lord Grimm: The Silent Assassin thinks that he is a natural choice, since he is protected against the thing. And I'd like to go as well. If only to translate for him.
Slartucker: I'd like to go. I have some spells I'd like to try out on the thing, if I get a chance.
Fatman: I'm tempted to volunteer. In fact, I think I will. Though it doesn't really matter, since I know all attempts to track down the thing will probably be futile.
Nicothodes: I will stab the thing with my mechanical pencil.
Fatman: I don't think you'll be able to hurt the thing.
Nicothodes: Do not underestimate the power of the mechanical pencil.
Nikki: I want to come!
Drakefyre: Anyone else? No?
Nikki: Ooh! Me! Me!
Drakefyre: Then Kelandon and I will take Marlenny, Lord Grimm, the Silent Assassin, Slartucker, Fatman, and Nicothodes.
They exit.
Nikki: Not fair!
Scene 5: General Forum
Scene 5: General Forum DikiyobaA newb opens the door and walks in.
Newb: Hey, everyone! I'm new here!
The juvenile fluffy turtle runs over.
Newb: What do you want? Oh... I bet you want this.
The newb dutifully hands over his sanity to the juvenile fluffy turtle. The fluffy turtle scarfs it down. Then, struck by sudden moodiness, the teenage fluffy turtle runs off.
Newb: So, anyway, I'm here. Where is everyone else?
The thing attacks the newb suddenly. It happens so fast that the newb doesn't even lose consciousness. He is, however, permanently transformed.
Noob: lol tat wuz wierd lol
The noob exits into the Tech Support Forum.
Newb: Hey, everyone! I'm new here!
The juvenile fluffy turtle runs over.
Newb: What do you want? Oh... I bet you want this.
The newb dutifully hands over his sanity to the juvenile fluffy turtle. The fluffy turtle scarfs it down. Then, struck by sudden moodiness, the teenage fluffy turtle runs off.
Newb: So, anyway, I'm here. Where is everyone else?
The thing attacks the newb suddenly. It happens so fast that the newb doesn't even lose consciousness. He is, however, permanently transformed.
Noob: lol tat wuz wierd lol
The noob exits into the Tech Support Forum.