Act 10

Act 10 Dikiyoba Sun, 04/15/2007 - 03:20
There may be a plan to get of the thing, but carrying it out is probably more dangerous than keeping it around...

Scene 1: General Forum

Scene 1: General Forum Dikiyoba Sun, 04/15/2007 - 03:20
Dintiradan has enlisted the help of The Lurker and enslaved several newbs in order to build a gigantic deth ray.

Dintiradan: no taht peice gos over their over their!

The Lurker moves a gear to the left a little and screws it into place. Jumpin' Salmon and Wise Man are still on the lookout for Bomber and Lord Llama.

Jumpin' Salmon: wher is lord lama i lost him wen he ran bhind spring

Wise Man: |\|3*7 71|\/|3 2|-|007 47 |-|1|\/| 4|\|y\/\/4`/

Directly below Jumpin' Salmon and Wise Man, Bomber and Lord Llama are slowly climbing up.

Bomber: well get tehm

Lord Llama: yea we will

Ben4808 wakes up.

Ben4848: Ow. My head hurts.

Terror's Martyr: You should still shut the ndsiuf up, you knbvyftr little fdskhus!

Major: Wghy do you always talk to people like tghat?

Terror's Martyr: You shut the kbjhvghfc up as well, nbghfg!

Major: Tghat's not nice!

Arancaytar and Imban are standing slightly apart from everyone else. Imban smiles grimly.

Imban: If there's one good fact about the thing, it's that it is a lot more effective at blocking TM than the autocensor.

Arancaytar: What's happening over there?

A cluster of Spiderwebbers are arguing fiercely over something. Some of them are actually debating. The others are just yelling. Major walks up and joins the argument. Order Mage bursts out of the group, closely pursued by Infernal666hate.

Order Mage: Ahhh! I'm being chased by a psychopath!

Infernal666hate swings demonslayer at Order Mage, but misses.

Infernal666hate: Ill krill ewe, ewe chitin!

Arancaytar sighs.

Arancaytar: It looks like Order Mage's been trolling again. And it worked a lot better than he anticipated.

Imban: I'll break up the argument and you keep Infernal from murdering Order Mage.

Imban walks over to the arguing group.

Imban: All right, everyone. Discussion over, topic closed.

Everyone leaves, except for Thuryl. He has Major trapped in a headlock.

Thuryl: But I almost have him with the crushing grip of reason.

Major: No, ghe doesn't! Ghive me a few more minutes witgh ghim and I will totally win!

Imban: Thuryl, let him go.

Thuryl lets go of Major. Major falls to the floor.

Thuryl: No one said I had to be nice.

Jumpin' Salmon: look theirs order mag i wonder wat he did tihs tim 2 mak infernal so angery

Wise Man: |-|3 9508481`/ 241|) 20|\/|37|-|1|\|6 480|_|7 |\|4512

Jumpin' Salmon: ur probably rite hmm mabey ill snipe order mag insted

Jumpin' Salmon aims at Order Mage.

Bomber: almost their

Lord Llama: yea

Wise Man overhears them and looks down.

Wise Man: 100|< 0|_|7!!1

Bomber tackles Wise Man and Lord Llama tackles Jumpin' Salmon. Down below, the thing suddenly strikes.

The thing: Szemklnji!

Imban, Thuryl, and Major stagger back, covering their ears. Major steps on Spring's foot.

Spring: Hey! Watch it!

Major: It's tghe tghingh!

The thing crawls toward Imban.

The thing: Pxyutv!

Imban blacks out. Robinator wakes up and walks over to Mr. Bookworm. He is still reading.

Mr. Bookworm: What are you doing?

Robinator shrugs and points to the book.

Mr. Bookworm: Oh, it's The Call of Cthulhu. I hope Arancaytar doesn't mind that I'm borrowing it.

Robinator leans in close, as if inspecting the book.

Robinator: Qlmkn!

Mr. Bookworm blacks out. Robinator walks off. Imban wakes up.

Imban: :0

Spring: Wow. Now that is nasty.

Imban: >:(

Over in the corner, both Nick Ringer and Kingy have passed out from drinking so much. Empty beer bottles litter the floor around them. Mysterious Man stands up and looks disgusted.

Mysterious Man: I can't believe that they both...

The thing: Bbvcycrp!

Mysterious Man falls over unconscious. GoldenKing and Randomizer enter.

GoldenKing: Klnbt!

Thuryl: Look out! It's GoldenThing!

GoldenKing casts aura of flames. Spring, Major, and Imban manage to get out of the way, but Thuryl is blasted full force by the spell. Thuryl dies. *i, Drakefyre, Alorael, Schrodinger, Ephesos, and Wanderer enter.

Dintiradan: wandrer! over hear

Wanderer wanders over to help Dintiradan, the Lurker, and the newbs with the deth ray. Drakefyre turns to *i.

Drakefyre: What's the best way to stop Randomizer and GoldenKing?

Up on the ledge, Jumpin' Salmon and Wise Man are still struggling against Bomber and Lord Llama for control of the sniper rifle.

Lord Llama: giv it up

Jumpin' Salmon: no its min

Jumpin' Salmon and Lord Llama roll over the edge. The sniper rifle is knocked over with them. Wise Man pushes Bomber off the ledge as well.

Wise Man: 100|< 0|_|7 8310\/\/!!1

Jumpin' Salmon, Lord Llama, and Bomber land on GoldenKing, knocking him to the ground. Alorael neatly catches the falling sniper rifle. Jumpin' Salmon, Lord Llama, and Bomber get up.

Ephesos: No one's hurt, are they?

Jumpin' Salmon: o no! aloreal has the sniper rifle adn i dont

Ephesos: I'll take that as a no.

Saunders hurries forward with a rope. *i, Drakefyre, Saunders, and Schrodinger tie up and gag GoldenKing so that he can't do any more damage.

Drakefyre: Schrodinger, will you watch over GoldenKing to make sure that he doesn't escape?

Schrodinger: I can do that.

Drakefyre, *i, and Saunders go after Randomizer. Meanwhile, Ephesos casts unshackle mind on Mr. Bookworm. Mr. Bookworm wakes up.

Mr. Bookworm: y me o well

Mr. Bookworm picks up the book and resumes reading. When Randomizer sees that Drakefyre and *i are after him, he runs for the door. Dolphin and Erika Maroonmark try to stop him.

Randomizer: Omntytr!

Erika Maroonmark falls over unconscious. Randomizer casts spray acid on Dolphin. Ephesos runs forward and casts a curing spell. Randomizer makes it to the door.

*i: No! He's going to get away!

The door swings open, knocking Randomizer flat. Kelandon and Marlenny enter. Drakefyre, *i, and Saunders tie up and gag Randomizer before he can recover.

*i: Saunders, will you guard Randomizer?

Saunders: Sure.

Drakefyre: Kelandon, Marlenny, did you find anything?

Kelandon: Yes, we found this run-down forum.

Kelandon and Marlenny explain what they saw to *i and Drakefyre. Order Mage runs into a corner. Infernal666hate cuts off his escape.

Infernal666hate: How eye half ewe!

Arancaytar: Infernal! Knock it of. Er, off.

Infernal666hate ignores him. Delicious Vlish quickly floats over and casts daze on her. Order Mage runs off.

Delicious Vlish: I've got this under control.

Arancaytar: Thanks.

Arancaytar walks off to hear the rest of Kelandon and Marlenny's report. Ephesos casts unshackle mind on Erika Maroonmark.

Erika Maroonmark: \/\/|-|47 |-|4993|\|3|)?

Ephesos: The thing, through Randomizer.

Erika Maroonmark: 0|-|

Drakefyre: So, that's all you found?

Marlenny: Yep.

Kelandon: How has it been going here?

Arancaytar: Awful. The thing has been attacking people left and right. The quality of writing is terribl. Er, terrible. That's twice now!

Arancaytar looks around and sees the thing close to him. He panics and runs off.

Arancaytar: You can't take me! I've already dedicated my life to an ancient horror! Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!

Arancaytar runs into Delicious Vlish. As Delicious Vlish tries to calm Arancaytar down, Infernal666hate shakes her head to clear it.

Infernal666hate: Wear dig Ordeal Mad gnu?

Infernal666hate slips away and starts searching for Order Mage.

Arancaytar: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

Delicious Vlish: All right. You've made your po...

The thing: Nnuvcr!

Arancaytar and Delicious Vlish both wince.

The thing: Mnbhvuqw!

Delicious Vlish and Arancaytar black out. Nicothodes stands boldly in the middle of the forum, mechanical pencil in hand.

Nicothodes: Do you think I'm cute?

Jumpin' Salmon eyes the mechanical pencil.

Jumpin' Salmon: uh no

Nicothodes: Right answer, fishbreath. Hey, you! Do you think I'm cute?

Ephesos: Is this some sort of trick question? No.

Nicothodes: That's correct. Stupid tree hugger!

Ephesos ignores her and walks away.

Nicothodes: Hmmph. This is boring. Hey, it's Fatman. Hmmm.

Nicothodes thinks for a moment. Then she raises her mechanical pencil.

Nicothodes: I hate you, Fatman! I'm going to stab you 693 times!

Fatman: stay a way from me!

Fatman runs away. Ephesos casts unshackle mind on Delcious Vlish and Arancaytar. They regain consciousness.

Arancaytar: i new somthing lik this wuz going to hapen how abot u delesous vlish

Delicious Vlish radiates anger. Robinator stands over Mysterious Man and kicks him a few times. Mysterious Man wakes up and stands up silently. Robinator points to Saunders, still guarding Randomizer. Mysterious Man nods.

Scene 2: Tech Support Forum

Scene 2: Tech Support Forum Dikiyoba Sun, 04/15/2007 - 03:22
Everyone is simply standing around. No one wants to enter the General Forum while GoldenKing and Randomizer are there, but no one is comfortable with doing nothing. Tyranicus, Nikki, Sir David, the Silent Assassin, and Lord Grimm enter.

Tyranicus: So, what are you all doing?

Tyranicus: So, what are you all doing?

Zeviz: That'z what we're trying to decide.

Dikiyoba: Dnjkba thinks that perhaps someone could come up with a plan to get rid of the thing.

FBM laughs.

FBM: How could we do that?

Niemand: Well, I bet I could develop a script that would somehow trap or destroy the thing.

Rakshasi: Is that your solution to everything?

Niemand: Pretty much.

Zephyr Tempest: I know! We'll summon a demon!

Wonko the Sane: Are you trying to get yourself killed?

Zephyr Tempest: Nonsense. Demon summoning is perfectly safe with the proper controls.

Wonko the Sane: No, I meant that I'd kill you if you tried to summon a demon.

Zephyr Tempest: Fine. Demon summoning is out.

Zephyr Tempest sits down and sulks.

Toenail: What if we threw the thing into the fluffy turtle pit?

Nikki: Or if we called up Stughalf and had his ferrets eat the thing?

Tyranicus: How come you can remember Stughalf and his ferrets but you can't remember my name? Heck, I bet you can't even remember your name.

Tyranicus: How come you can remember Stughalf and his ferrets but you can't remember my name? Heck, I bet you can't even remember your name.

Nikki turns to Dikiyoba.

Nikki: (Whispers.) Quick, what's his name again?

Dikiyoba: Tyranicus.

Nikki: (Whispers.) Okay, thanks. And what's my name?

Dikiyoba: Nikki.

Nikki: (Whispers.) Thanks again.

Nikki turns back to Tyranicus.

Nikki: I don't know. I just sort of remember Stughalf and his ferrets. I don't know why.

Zephyr Tempest: Hey! I have an idea.

FBM: Oh, no. Not another one.

Zephyr Tempest: It's a better one this time. We'll revive the ur-noob!

Toenail: What!

Zeviz: No!

Rakshasi: You have an interesting definition of the word "better."

Drew: How is reviving the ur-noob going to help anything?

Zephyr Tempest: Well, the ur-noob speaks almost normally and is really powerful. The thing will surely want to possess it. But since the thing is so powerful, it will take all the thing's effort to possess it. Randomizer and GoldenKing will be freed. Then we can kill the ur-noob and, in doing so, we will kill the thing.

Nikki: What's the ur-noob?

FBM: You know, some ideas are so stupid they stand a slight chance of actually succeeding.

Zephyr Tempest: And this is one of them?

Rakshasi: No. Your idea is so stupid it has absolutely no chance of succeeding.

Zephyr Tempest: Oh, come on. What do we have to lose?

Tyranicus: Our lives.

Tyranicus: Our lives.

Smoo: Besides, it wouldn't work. There's only two ways to revive someone. First, you'd need an element for the ur-noob and get Zorro to combine it with Galactic Core. I guarantee that's not going to happen. Second, you'd need a balm of life potion and get Ephesos to cast return life. That's even less likely to happen.

Drew: Besides, the ur-noob was so powerful we could hardly damage it. It was practically luck that we killed it last time. How are we supposed to kill it this time?

Zephyr Tempest: But the ur-noob will be weak right after being revived and if we all attack it at once, it will be easy.

Rakshasi: It's still a bad idea. Don't even think about it.

Niemand: I think we should take another look at the scripting option.

The discussion heats up again. In the confusion, no one notices Zephyr Tempest slip into the General Forum.

Smoo: ...we'd have to get the other scripters in on it as well.

Niemand: Hopefully, not too many of them have been attacked by the thing.

Nikki: Hey, where did that one demon-obsessed guy go?

Everyone stops talking and looks around.

Tyranicus: Oh great.

Tyranicus: Oh great.

Wonko the Sane: Dikiyoba, Zephyr Tempest didn't steal any herbs, did he?

Dikiyoba: No, Dzxewbha doesn't think so.

Zeviz: What about that zecond copy of Galactic Core, Zorro?

Zorro is absorbed in his game.

Zorro: Ha! Take that! Oh. What did you just say?

Zeviz: Do you ztill have your other copy of Galactic Core?

Zorro searches for it.

Zorro: No, I can't find it.

Zeviz: Which meanz that Zephyr Tempezt muzt have it.

Rakshasi: Now this is a disaster.

Nikki: What is?

Lord Grimm checks to make sure that his reaperdisks are still safe and close to hand.

Scene 3: General Forum

Scene 3: General Forum Dikiyoba Sun, 04/15/2007 - 03:23
Zephyr Tempest enters and walks up to Periodic Table of Spiderweb. He examines it closely.

Zephyr Tempest: I can't believe that no one has taken carbon. That will be the ur-noob's element. Now all I need is something to write with.

Fatman runs by, with Nicothodes right behind him.

Nicothodes: I'm going to kill you slowly and painfully!

Fatman: wat did i evr do 2 u

Zephyr Tempest: Hey, Nicothodes. I'll cast slow on Fatman if you let me borrow your pencil.

Nicothodes grins evilly.

Nicothodes: Sure! If you aren't too stupid to actually cast it, that is.

Nicothodes hands Zephyr Tempest the pencil. Zephyr Tempest writes in the ur-noob's name. Then he hands the pencil back to Nicothodes and casts slow on Fatman.

Nicothodes: So you're not as stupid as you look after all.

Nicothodes chases after Fatman again.

Fatman: help shes gaining on me!

Delicious Vlish projects disapproval at Nicothodes.

Nicothodes: I don't need your approval, squidbrain!

Nicothodes forgets about Fatman and lunges toward Delicious Vlish instead. Delicious Vlish casts terror on her. Nicothodes runs off in fear. Wanderer adds another piece to Dintiradan's deth ray.

Wanderer: I think that's everything.

Dintiradan: dont forgit abot teh bakup baterys

The Lurker: I won't.

The Lurker plugs it in. Nothing happens.

The Lurker: It still needs some work, I think.

Robinator approaches the bound Randomizer.

Saunders: Hey! What are you doing? Get away from him!

Mysterious Man tackles Saunders.

Mysterious Man: Smnbbv!

Saunders blacks out. Robinator unties Randomizer. The three of them sneak towards Schrodinger and GoldenKing. Order Mage trips over Saunders and falls flat. *i pulls Infernal666hate away from Order Mage right before she can run him through.

Infernal666hate: Get my so! Ill krill hem!

*i: Enough, Infernal.

Infernal666hate looks resentful, but obeys.

Infernal666hate: Fin.

Drakefyre grabs Order Mage as he tries to sneak off.

Drakefyre: Did you free Randomizer?

Order Mage: No. Why should I?

Drakefyre lets Order Mage go.

Drakefyre: Well, you haven't been possessed by the thing, so I believe you.

*i: But we need to find Randomizer and whoever freed him now, before they cause any more trouble.

Zephyr Tempest is still standing by the Periodic Table of Spiderweb. There is a slightly mad gleam in his eyes as he summons some carbon and attempts to combine it with Galactic Core.

Zephyr Tempest: How does this work?

Lazarus: What are you doing?

Zephyr Tempest: I'm trying to... uh... I'm trying to revive Thuryl.

Lazarus: Oh really?

Lazarus walks over to the Periodic Table of Elements.

Lazarus: Hey! Thuryl doesn't have carbon. He...

Zephyr Tempest panics and casts ice lances on Lazarus. Lazarus dies. Zephyr Tempest walks over to the ur-noob's body. Croikle spots Lazarus's body.

Croikle: Is he really dead, or is he just pretending?

Ephesos checks for a pulse.

Ephesos: No, he really is dead.

Croikle: But who could have killed him? And why?

Everyone from the Tech Support Forum enters.

Zeviz: Zomeone ztop Zephyr Tempezt!

Spring: Why? What's he doing?

Smoo: He's trying to...

The thing: Xjmniuuu!

Smoo falls over unconscious. Everyone else winces. The adminostater, gaurdian, 1337 h4x0r, and noobs enter.

Adminostater: wow theirs lots of ppl hear

Gaurdian: lets bring tehm al bak 2 teh fourm

One of the noobs grabs Ben4808.

Noob: ive got one

Ben4808: hay let me go!

Another noob grabs Major.

Noob: ive got a nother one

Major: Let me gho, you noob!

The 1337 h4x0r grabs the Almighty Do-er of Stuff.

1337 h4x0r: 9\/\/|\|3|)!!1

Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Hey! What are you doing?

Inspector Walnut and the baby fluffy turtle run over to help the Almighty Do-er of Stuff out and to claim the sanity of the new arrivals. The 1337 h4x0r goes down as Inspector Walnut tackles it. The baby fluffy turtle starts nipping the foot of another noob. Schrodinger sees Mysterious Man approaching GoldenKing.

Schrodinger: Mysterious Man! You can't...

Robinator tackles Schrodinger.

Robinator: Mknhm!

Schrodinger loses consciousness. Mysterious Man unties GoldenKing. Zephyr Tempest makes another adjustment to Galactic Core.

Zephyr Tempest: Aha! I've almost got it!

Rakshasi: Stop him!

Alorael aims the sniper rifle at Zephyr Tempest. Before he can fire, he is tackled by Mysterious Man.

Mysterious Man: Gtftr!

Alorael winces.

Alorael: Not again!

Student of Trinity pulls out his sling, but he is tackled by Robinator. Lord Grimm pulls out a reaperdisk. The Silent Assassin draws his dagger and looks around to make sure that no one can tackle Lord Grimm. GoldenKing steps toward them, ready to cast aura of flames.

Zeviz: Zorry, Zephyr. Fireb...ahhh!

Randomizer hits Zeviz with a spray acid spell. Ephesos casts a curing spell on Zeviz and turns to face Randomizer.

Ephesos: Divine ret...

Nicothodes, still panicking from Delicious Vlish's terror attack, plows into Ephesos and knocks him down. Ephesos' head cracks against the floor and he passes out. Randomizer turns to face Zeviz. Zeviz attempts to cast firebolt on him.

Zeviz: Oh no. I'm out of zpell pointz again!

Randomizer prepares to cast another spray acid spell. Zephyr Tempest finally manages to combine Galactic Core and the carbon. He laughs madly.

Zephyr Tempest: Yes! Yes! I did it!

Zephyr Tempest is still laughing as the ur-noob's fist comes out and crushes him flat. Zephyr Tempest dies. Everyone stops and stares as the ur-noob stands up.

Noob: ooh teh mitey urnoob

The noob lets go of Ben4808 and runs toward the ur-noob. Another noob follows.

Adminostater: no dont do that

Smoo wakes up.

Smoo: wats going on

Drew: You don't want to know.

Nikki: But I do want to know. What is it?

The ur-noob towers above the Spiderwebbers.

Ur-noob: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

The ur-noob suddenly stops laughing and starts coughing. Randomizer halts with his hands raised.

Randomizer: What garden is going malignant on?

Zeviz sighs in relief.

Zeviz: Thank goodnezz.

Mysterious Man stands up.

Mysterious Man: 2055`/ 4105431

GoldenKing shakes his head to clear it.

GoldenKing: wats hapening

Robinator steps away from Student of Trinity.

Robinator: Oops!!!!! Sorry, Student of Trinity!!!!!

FBM: I can't believe the plan is working exactly the way Zephyr Tempest said it would.

Rakshasi: So far.

Ephesos wakes up.

Ephesos: Great. Now I speak like a... wait. I'm still talking normally.

Zeviz: That'z becauze the thing iz currently diztracted.

Ephesos stares at the coughing ur-noob.

Ephesos: I think this is proof that life hates me.

Drakefyre: Spiderwebbers, attack the ur-noob with whatever you've got.

*i: Quick, while the ur-noob is weak and distracted!

Toenail pulls out his Black Halberds and charges toward the ur-noob.

Toenail: Death to the ur-noob!

Niemand pulls out a Jade Halberd and charges after him. Drakefyre casts arcane blow on the ur-noob. Ephesos casts divine retribution. Student of Trinity slings a rock. Terror's Martyr hurls the vilest and most illogical insults he can muster. Tyranicus throws a javelin.

Tyranicus: Take that!

Tyranicus: Take that!

Dintiradan: tihs is my chance 4 reveng lurkr plug n teh deth ray

The Lurker: Right.

The Lurker plugs in the deth ray. It begins charging up. Nicothodes stabs the ur-noob with her mechanical pencil. Infernal666hate stabs with demonslayer. MagmaDragoon strikes the ur-noob with a Guardian Claymore. Dikiyoba hands Ephesos and Zeviz each an energy potion. Zeviz drinks his and casts firebolt.

Randomizer: Spray acid acquired! No, that's oil not right. Spray citric acid!

The ur-noob is covered in lemonade.

Ephesos: You're not doing much.

Ephesos casts divine retribution again.

Randomizer: I'm fuzzy trying!

Alorael snipes the ur-noob. Sir David hits the ur-noob with his flaming sword. Enraged Slith attacks with his slith spear and the Silent Assassin attacks with his dagger. Lord Grimm throws a reaperdisk. The ur-noob staggers but coughs harder than ever.

*i: It's hurt! Keep attacking!

The Lurker: Dintiradan! The deth ray is ready!

Dintiradan: use it on the urnoob!

The Lurker and Wanderer turn the deth ray so that it is facing the ur-noob. Dintiradan rubs his hands together gleefully.

Dintiradan: hahaha! reveng! sweet sweet reveng!

The Lurker fires the deth ray. It hits the ur-noob. The ur-noob sways alarmingly.

Drakefyre: Back off, everyone! It's going to collapse!

The ur-noob falls to the ground with a tremendous thud.

*i: One more hit ought to finish it off!

Delicious Vlish slaps the ur-noob with a tentacle. The ur-noob coughs once more and dies. Everyone cheers.

Dintiradan: quik! use the deth ray on drakefyre and *i! tehn i wil rul teh mesage bord! hahaha!

Wanderer and the Lurker hesitate.

Wanderer: Are you sure?

Dintiradan: do it!

Robinator: Oh no you don't!!!!! I'll stop you!!!!!

Robinator runs forward, but trips over the cord, pulling the plug out of the outlet as he falls.

Dintiradan: im smarter tahn taht i hav bakup baterys

Dintiradan aims the deth ray at Drakefyre and fires it. Nothing happens.

Dintiradan: y isnt it werking

The Lurker: Oops. I forgot to put in the back-up batteries. Sorry, Dintiradan.

Dintiradan: uncompetnent fools!

Dintiradan looks over to see *i standing right beside him.

Dintiradan: it wuz just a joke a joke!

*i: You will take apart this deth ray right now, Dintiradan, or I will remove your helmet.

Dintiradan: nooo! not my helmet!

Robinator sits on the ground, twirling the end of the cord around.

Robinator: Curses, eh, Dintiradan?!!!!! Foiled again!!!!!

Dintiradan: oh shut up

Adminostater: lets get out ov hear

The adminostater and gaurdian exit. The 1337 h4x0r frees itself from Inspector Walnut and crawls out. The noob lets go of Major and it and the other three noobs follow. Kelandon throws a spell-checker at the last one to leave.

Kelandon: And don't come back until you've learned how to spell properly!

The final noob pauses to stick its tongue out at Kelandon.

Noob: lol ur stuped lol

The spell-checker hits the noob in the face, knocking it out the door. Marlenny swings the door shut. Saunders and Schrodinger both wake up.

Saunders: I've let Randomizer escape!

Randomizer: It's verb okay. The thing kinship is gone. I suspect that hazy we will return to dealing normal shortly rattle.

Ephesos casts unshackle mind on Kingy and Nick Ringer. They wake up.

Kingy: Oh, man. I have such a headache.

Nick Ringer: me 2

Kelandon: Well, we've killed the ur-noob.

Marlenny: Again.

Kelandon: And we've also killed the thing.

Drakefyre: No, I don't think the thing is dead. It's banished from Spiderweb, certainly, but there's so much bad spelling and grammar out there that the thing will recover.

Marlenny: What if the thing comes back?

Drakefyre: As long as everyone in Spiderweb uses correct spelling and grammar, then the thing won't be able to slip in again. And if it does, we'll notice and deal with it before it can gain a lot of strength.

Kelandon: What are we going to do now?

Drakefyre: Re-teach everyone to speak properly.

Scene 4: Run-down Message Board

Scene 4: Run-down Message Board Dikiyoba Sun, 04/15/2007 - 03:24
The adminostater and the gaurdian are talking together while the 1337 h4x0r is recovering from his near-death experience with Inspector Walnut and the noobs run around doing noobish things like spamming and topic necromancy. The gaurdian looks over at them.

Gaurdian: wow tehy wiatd almost a week b4 reviving taht one

There is a loud buzzing sound from the spell checker that a noob had brought back.

Adminostater: focus we hav 2 dside wat 2 do with tihs spel chekr

The spell checker buzzes again.

Gaurdian: get rid ov it

The spell checker buzzes once more.

Adminosater: i think we shold keep it adn thro it at ppl wen they enter so taht we get mor ppl

The spell checker buzzes even louder. The gaurdian covers its ears.

Gaurdian: mak it stop! mak it stop!

The spell checker continues to buzz.

Gaurdian: Make it stop!

The spell checker abruptly stops. The adminostater looks astounded.

Adminostater: wow u made teh spel chekr stop

The spell checker starts buzzing again.

Gaurdian: Make it stop!

The spell checker is silent once more. While the adminostater and the gaurdian try to figure out how the spell checker works, Stughalf enters the forum. A ferret scampers along behind him.

Stughalf: Excuse me, but can you give me directions to the Spiderweb Software Message Board? I know it's nearby.

1337 h4x0r: 291|)35\/\/38 12 3\/11

Stughalf: What?

Slartucker enters.

Slartucker: Oh, Nine-Headed Cave Cow. Not another forum composed entirely of noobs. Stughalf! What are you doing here?

Stughalf: I could ask you the same question. I came here to get directions back to Spiderweb.

Slartucker: I can give you those. First, you...

Two noobs watch Slartucker and Stughalf talk for a moment.

Noob One: shold we tel teh adminostater

Noob Two: no

Noob One: wat shold we do insted

Noob Two: creat a topic!

Noob One: abot wat

Noob Two: i dont no abot watevr

Noob One: good idea! we only hav ten ov tehm rite now!

The two noobs wander off to create the topic.

Slartucker: ...and then you're there.

Stughalf: Thanks for the directions. Now, what are you doing here?

Slartucker: I'm looking for a place to start another Church of the Nine-Headed Cave Cow.

Stughalf: Church of the Nine-Headed Cave Cow?

Slartucker: Yes. It's very cowerful and mooving. In fact...

Slartucker stops speaking as a fluffy turtle enters the forum. The fluff bristles in all directions as the turtle narrows its eyes and charges at Slartucker at a speed previously unknown to fluffy turtles.

Slartucker: Never mind. I've got to run.

Slartucker runs across the forum with the fluffy turtle in hot pursuit. Slartucker loops around the adminostater and gaurdian.

Gaurdian: hay its a new person!

Adminostater: quik! get him!

The spell checker continues to buzz. Slartucker runs past Stughalf.

Stughalf: Why is that fluffy turtle out of the fluffy turtle pit and why is it so angry at you?

Slartucker: Well, it seems that being shoved into a box that is later detonated doesn't do much to improve a fluffy turtle's mood. And when...

Slartucker runs by the 1337 h4x0r.

1337 h4x0r: 4|-||-||-||-|!!1 |\|07 4|\|07|-|35 0|\|3!!1

The 1337 h4x0r runs away from the fluffy turtle. Slartucker runs by the two noobs.

Noob Two: we hav a new topic

Noob One: yea!

The fluffy turtle rips the topic to shreds as it passes. The adminostater raises the spell checker to throw at Slartucker.

Gaurdian: maeby we dont want him if taht turtl is wiht him

The spell checker continues to buzz ineffectively. Slartucker runs by Stughalf again.

Slartucker: ...Arancaytar and I trapped it on the other side of a mirror, it decided to direct all its anger at us. Or at least at me, since it hasn't come across Arancaytar again yet.

Stughalf: But how did it find you?

Slartucker: I don't know. It just showed up a while back. I haven't been able to shake it off my trail yet.

The fluffy turtle cuts Slartucker off as he loops around the adminostater and gaurdian again.

Slartucker: Moove slowly!

The fluffy turtle is immediately slowed to a crawl. Slartucker runs by Stughalf again.

Slartucker: Bye!

Slartucker exits. The fluffy turtle quickly regains its speed and follows.

Adminostater: he got away!

Gaurdian: look theres another one

The gaurdian points to Stughhalf.

Adminostater: ill get him

The adminostater aims the spell checker at Stughalf.

1337 h4x0r: 4|-||-||-||-|!!1

The 1337 h4x0r plows into the adminostater, knocking it to the ground.

Stughalf: No point in hanging around here. Guess I'd better go.

Stughalf exits. The ferret exits right behind him.

Gaurdian: o no he got away

The adminostater stands up.

Adminostater: at tihs rate another one wil sho up

Gaurdian: adn?

Adminostater: ill b redy wen he or she dos

The adminostater stands by the entrance of the message board, ready to bean anyone who enters.

Scene 5: General Forum

Scene 5: General Forum Dikiyoba Sun, 04/15/2007 - 03:25
Several days have passed since the thing had been banished from the message board. Everything is returning to normal. The rip in the SubTerra Forum has been patched. All the forums have been cleaned up. The deth ray and the antimatter machine have been taken apart and stored, in case they are ever needed again. A new Moderator Board is under construction. Everyone who had been attacked by the thing is recovering their regular speech, thanks to intense spelling and grammar classes led by Drakefyre and Kelandon. Spring, Ephesos, Kingy, Toenail, and Meeshka are standing around talking. Zeviz, Stew Boy, Dikiyoba, and Randomizer join them.

Spring: So, how are the classes going?

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba can speak normally again!

Stew Boy: I'm improving a lot. Occasionally, I slip up, but overall im... oops... I'm a lot better.

Major: I still ghave a longh way to gho. I'll ghet tghere eventually, tghoughgh.

Randomizer: I still throw in vertigo random words here and sill there. I kind of like mnemonic it, while it lasts.

Zeviz: I'm almost completely back to normal.

Spring: Do you think either one of you could summon the elements needed to revive Thuryl, Lazarus, and Zephyr Tempest?

Ephesos: Can't we just let Zephyr Tempest remain dead?

Randomizer: No, I'd probably zoom throw in a random word and feather end up summoning a toaster or something jump.

Kingy: But it would be really cool if you ended up summoning cases of beer.

Ephesos: As long as it's not another demon.

Meeshka: What about you, Zeviz?

Zeviz: Perhapz, if I were very careful.

Toenail: What about Archmagus Micael?

Stew Boy: No, he still has some prolbems with capitalization. Er, problems.

Archmagus Micael is walking by and happens to overhear Stew Boy.

Archmagus Micael: i do not, stew boy!

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba thinks that Drakefyre could do it.

Spring: Yes, but he's been so busy lately between the classes and trying to get everything organized that he hasn't had the time.

Lord Grimm and the Silent Assassin join the group.

Meeshka: How are you two doing?

Lord Grimm: Oh, I can speak again.

Lord Grimm pauses for a moment and watches the Silent Assassin.

Lord Grimm: The Silent Assassin wants you to know that he is doing fine as well, and would be more than happy to take any lawn chemicals that you possess.

Stew Boy: Why?

Lord Grimm: It's probably better if you don't know. I certainly don't want to.

Meanwhile, across the forum, Archmage Alex, Ben4808, Infernal666hate, Nikki, Nicothodes, Fatman, Niemand, Smoo, and Student of Trinity are talking.

Student of Trinity: How is everyone today?

Nicothodes: Anything but cute!

Ben4808: Much better.

Infernal666hate: Back to normal.

Fatman: Good enough, I suppose.

Archmage Alex: Cease your prattling, philistines! I'm contemplating my next great masterpiece!

Nikki: What was the question?

Smoo: Nikki still can't remember anything that happened more than ten seconds ago, and no one knows how to improve the situation.

Niemand: I think we could give Nikki his own custom script and set memory cells to...

Niemand is cut off as Lord Llama and Bomber walk by, talking loudly.

Lord Llama: ...adn it was lik so fun and...

Student of Trinity shakes his head.

Student of Trinity: Some people just never learn.

Jumpin' Salmon and Wise Man are following Bomber and Lord Llama from the ledge at the top of the forum. They are carrying a fishing net between them. Bomber and Lord Llama stop. Jumpin' Salmon and Wise Man halt as well and stretch the net out.

Wise Man: Ready?

Jumpin' Salmon checks to make sure that the net is right over Bomber and Lord Llama.

Jumpin' Salmon: Ready. Let it go.

The net falls and completely ensnares Bomber and Lord Llama. The more they struggle, the worse they get tangled. Jumpin' Salmon and Wise Man climb down and start to drag Bomber and Lord Llama away.

Jumpin' Salmon: You're going to learn how to speak properly from Drakefyre and Kelandon. And I hope you don't like it, because I could use a good laugh at your expense.

Thralni and Snafta walk by.

Snafta: I don't think praying to the chicken gods will fix your spelling and grammar, Thralni.

Thralni: preying 2 teh almity chikn gods werkd b4 2 reviv us so y woldnt it werk now

Snafta: Because you keep calling them "almity chikn gods"?

Thralni: nonsence watch tihs o almity chikn gods ples fix mi speling adn gramer

Drakefyre: Thralni! Get over here! The next class is about to start!

Thralni: c?

Snafta: Yes, but you could have gone to one of those classes at anytime.

Thralni: no it was a sign from teh almity chikn gods

Dintiradan, the Lurker, and Wanderer are sitting at a table. Dintiradan looks glum.

Dintiradan: I can't believe another one of my brilliant ideas failed. I don't get it. I'm following the Evil Overlord guidebook exactly, and I still haven't taken over the boards.

The Lurker: Cheer up. Your deth ray played a major part in taking out the ur-noob, so you got your revenge. You'll get another brilliant idea for taking over the boards soon enough. And then, of course, someone will bungle their part of the plan somehow and it will fail miserably.

Dintiradan: (Sarcastically.) Thanks, Lurker. That last bit makes me feel a lot better.

The Lurker: You're welcome.

Wanderer: You know, telling people what is in the Evil Overlord guidebook probably doesn't make your job any easier.

Dintiradan: Perhaps you're right.

There is a brief silence.

The Lurker: I like Homeland.

Dintiradan: That's it! Just think of all the evil I could cause by including Homeland in my next scheme Lurker, you're a genius! Well, actually, you're not. You're still an incompetent fool. You're just a slightly less incompetent fool.

The Lurker: Really? Thanks.

MagmaDragoon picks up a karma thread.

MagmaDragoon: I have a few questions about karma...

Imban: Hey! MagmaDragoon! Get away from that karma thread! >:(

MagmaDragoon: But... but why?

Terror's Martyr: Quit asking [censored] stupid questions, [censored].

MagmaDragoon: I should why?

Alec: Because he told you to!

MagmaDragoon: Oh.

Some of the other Spiderwebbers have convinced Randomizer and Zeviz to try and summon lead, nobelium, and promethium. Zorro does not look happy to have been pulled away from his game yet again.

Robinator: Oh, this is exciting. I wish I were a mage!

Sir David: Shh! They're trying to concentrate.

Zeviz: Summon nobelium!

Zorro takes the summoned nobelium and combines it with Galactic Core to revive Thuryl.

Erika Maroonmark: Good. Now how about a few puns?

Randomizer: Summon icy promethium! Oops. Do you parasite think that...

Zorro: Whatever. It will work.

Zorro combines the promethium with Galactic Core. Zephyr Tempest is revived.

Zephyr Tempest: That's odd. My ice lances spell improved. I wonder why that is.

Meanwhile, Delicious Vlish is teaching Nick Ringer the finer points of agent strategy.

Nick Ringer: Do I get to cast daze?

Delicious Vlish: And mass daze, when you get it.

Nick Ringer: Sweet!

GoldenKing: Nothing is as sweet as aura of flames.

Delicious Vlish: Except, perhaps, this.

Delicious Vlish casts terror on GoldenKing. GoldenKing runs away in fear.

Delicious Vlish: As you can see, terror is also a very good spell.

Jewels is taking the damaged Periodic Table of Spiderweb down and replacing it with a new one. Mr. Bookworm is still reading. Zeviz summons some lead. Zorro revives Lazarus.

Lazarus: Dying repeatedly is not fun.

Tyranicus: You can say that again.

Mysterious Man: So now everyone is alive and back to normal again, right?

Arancaytar: Everyone except for Nikki.

Stughalf enters with the ferret trailing behind.

Stughalf: Hey, everyone.

Nikki: Hey, it's Stughalf! Look, Tyranicus. It's Stughalf!

Tyranicus: I don't believe it... you remembered my name!

Nikki: Yes, I... I can remember everything now.

Arancaytar: Now everyone is back to normal.

Kelandon: It's been a while since you were here last, Stughalf.

Stughalf: Yes, it has. So, what was the board like while I was gone? Fairly quiet?

Stew Boy: It is never quiet around here. Never.

The Lurker: Dintiradan, is this where we say something about your new plan to take over the board?

Dintiradan: No, that would be too cliché. Now go find me a copy of Homeland.

Scene 6: Run-down Forum

Scene 6: Run-down Forum Dikiyoba Sun, 04/15/2007 - 03:25
Several days have also passed in the run-down message board. The adminostater is still standing near the board entrance with the spell checker.

Adminostater: someon com dang it!

The spell checker buzzes feebly. Then its batteries give out and it stops.