Chapter 7: Shadow Vale

Chapter 7: Shadow Vale Dikiyoba
Unfortunately, those who were at the chat room were already a fair distance away from the chat room when the retroactive snow hit, and the snow was still coming down.

Marlenny floundered in the snow. "Whose idea was it to do this, anyway?" she asked as Kelandon helped her up.

"That ****** ******* ********, Tyranicus."

"Well, you chose to come!" Tyranicus retorted.

Stareye shook his head. "We'll never be able to make it through this snow back to the message board. We'll have to turn around and wait the storm out in the chat room."

"Turn around?" Lazarus asked.

"No, wait. Shadow Vale is nearby. We can go there instead," Tyranicus said, "What do you think?"

"I think it's a terrible idea, but I just want to get out of this ********* weather," Alec said.

"All right. Lead the way, Tyranicus," Stareye said.


Ephesos burst into the Richard White Games Forum. "Why did you mess with the weather?" he demanded.

Student of Trinity looked surprised. "What do you mean? We haven't done anything."

"But I sensed it!"

Student of Trinity shook his head. "Your implants must need adjusting."

"I don't have implants!" Ephesos said.

"Everyone has implants. You just aren't aware of them yet. Your move, Icshi," Zorro said.

"But Icshi's not here. He's dead," Ephesos said. He looked around carefully, but could see no sign of Icshi.

"You're right. He isn't here. But he was here and he will be here," Zorro said, "As your implants should have told you."

Ephesos sighed. Trying to get sensible answers from a cult member was infuriatingly difficult. "Right. So I know that the cult has affected the weather in some way. If you had anything to do with it or know anything about it, fess up. Now."

"We wouldn't do anything like that. Right, Alorael?" Student of Trinity asked.

Synergy and Dikiyoba slipped in unnoticed as Alorael muttered something, but Ephesos only caught two phrases of it: "needle/ferrets do strange and terrible things" and "never double posted in my life".

"And Zorro couldn't care less about anything but his game," Student of Trinity said.

"Where's Rakshasi?" Ephesos asked.

"He went to go spam the SubTerra Forum," Student of Trinity said.

"Then I shall go speak with him," Ephesos said.

Just then, Rakshasi ran into the forum. "Zephyr Tempest! He's dead!" he said.

"Dead? How? What happened to him?" Student of Trinity asked.

"I don't know exactly. He doesn't look hurt at all, but he's dead."

"I'll run back and tell a mage to summon his element. Does anyone know what he had?" Synergy said.

Everyone turned to look at him and Dikiyoba in surprise. "When did you get here?" Student of Trinity asked.

Synergy shrugged. "Just now."

Zorro sighed. "I'm not giving up my game this time. It's his own fault he died. He'll have to wait until I'm finished."

"Wait." Ephesos reached into a pocket. There was an angry chirrup. "Oops. Wrong pocket. Here it is." Ephesos reached into another pocket and pulled out a blue Balm of Life potion. "I have been studying the return life spell. Rakshasi, show me where he is."

Student of Trinity, Synergy, and Dikiyoba followed Ephesos and Rakshasi into the SubTerra Forum. Zorro remained behind to finish his game, and Alorael stayed behind to try and undo the retroactive storm he had accidentally created.


Out in the storm, the small group finally reached Shadow Vale. Tyranicus pulled the door open and gestured everyone inside. "It's not much, but at least it's warm," he said.

"It's so dark in here," FBM said.

"There are probably some lamps or candles around here somewhere," Tyranicus said.

"Seriously, this is worse than the Avernum 4 Forum. It's flippin' dark in here. I can't see a thing. Hey, who did I just bump into?" Jumpin' Salmon said.

"Get the ******** away from me, you fishbrained ******* *********."

"I see. So, how long are we going to be stuck here?" Jumpin' Salmon asked.

"As long as necessary," Stareye said calmly.

"That... that long?" Jumpin' Salmon said. "But... but I need to be back at the message boards. I have spamming I need to do! And Marlenny has a census she has to post. And I need to spam!" Jumpin' Salmon ran around in a blind panic, bumping into Lazarus and running into a table. "Oof. Okay, moving around in the dark is a bad idea."

"What about food?" Marlenny asked, "Do we have any?"

"I don't think so," Tyranicus said.

"So what will we do? We could be stuck here for a very long time, because it's still snowing outside," the Almighty Do-er of Stuff said.

"First one to die gets eaten!" Thuryl said.

"That's terrible!" Marlenny said.

"Relax, it won't come to that. We probably won't even have to resort to eating spam. And there's plenty to do here while we wait. I have a library, we could read some books," Tyranicus said.

"Except that it's completely dark, doofus," Kelandon said.

"Or I could put on some music."

"No one wants to listen to the game music," Alec said.

"Or we could play BoA Scenarios. I've got a full collection."

"Blades of Exile is so much better than Blades of Avernum," Ash Lael said.

"Well, I don't have any BoE scenarios, so we'll have to make do. How about Dilecia?"

"That's a ***** piece of ******."

"Hey!" Lazarus said.

"A Good Beginning?"

"No, it's ****** *********."

"How about Bahssikava?"

"That is a putrid piece of ****** ****** made by a worthless ********* ****** of a designer and is only exceeded in ******* ******* by its ******** sequel."

"Fine. How about Echoes: Renegade?"

"Too easy," Terror's Martyr said.

"Work with me here, TM. It's not like I'm suggesting Cresent Valley," Tyranicus said.


There was a thump as Tyranicus collapsed.

"One down, fourteen more to go!" Thuryl said.