The Spiderwebbers enter the forum, expecting the noobs to be directly behind them. Ephesos, Slartucker, and Dikiyoba are the last in.

Ephesos: Delicious Vlish is dead.

Arancaytar: I know. I already put him on the list.

Infernal666hate marches up to Zeviz.

Infernal666hate: Here, Zeviz. You can have Demonslayer. I'm using a stick for this battle.

Zeviz takes Demonslayer.

Zeviz: Thanks, Infernal.

Rent-an-Ihrno: This forum is very dark.

Hawk King: All the better for catching the noobs by surprise.

Rent-an-Ihrno: Yes, but they can also catch us by surprise. And it makes it difficult see what we are shooting at.

Wise Man: But on the plus side, our arrows are unlimited.

Silver: I have some maps of the forum. There's a level above and below this one. We should take advantage of that. The exit to the next forum is in the upper level.

Silver passes out maps to everyone. Kelandon takes one and looks at it.

Kelandon: This should be very useful. Me and Imban will...

There is a hideous shriek that sends the Spiderwebbers into mass hysteria. The ur-noob enters the forums at the head of the undead.

Ur-noobs: HERE I AM, SPIDERWEBBERS! YOU CANNOT E...

The ur-noob's speech is interupted by a sneeze.

Ur-noob: ...SCAPE! YOU WILL ALL DIE!

The ur-noob charges forward. All of the Spiderwebber's courage and strategies go straight to the Abyss. They scatter in all directions. Sir David, Zeviz, and Infernal666hate all dodge up the nearest staircase. Seeing this, the ur-noob halts and creates a magic barrier around it, forcing Lazarus and Kingy to run to the next one. Ephesos, Inthrall, and Randomizer dart down a side passage. The ur-noob attempts to block off every staircase and side passage, but the Spiderwebbers find new ones as quickly as the old ones are blocked off. Slartucker and Arancaytar climb down a staircase just as the ur-noob blockades it. Desert Pl@h and FBM run into another side passage. The ur-noob looks at the size of the staircases and side tunnels.

Ur-noob: THIS FORUM IS RATHER SMALLER THAN I EXPECTED! WHY, I ALMOST FEEL CLAUSTROPHOBIC! GOOD THING I CAN TEAR APART ANY OF THESE WALLS! HOWEVER, I CHOOSE NOT TO DO SO YET! UNDEAD, CHASE DOWN THE SPIDERWEBBERS!

The ur-noob waves a claw and all the barriers vanish. The undead pour into the side tunnels and up and down the staircases.

Ur-noob: BRING ME THE BODIES OF THOSE YOU KILL! OH, AND TRY AND TO LEAD A FEW BACK TO ME ALIVE!

In the upper level, Sir David, Kelandon, and the other Spiderwebbers have their bows aimed at the staircases. When the first undead come through, the Spiderwebbers have an easy time shooting them. On the main level, Ephesos, Inthrall, and Randomizer are completely lost in the side passages.

Inthrall: Maybe we should look at the map?

Ephesos: I can't even see the map, let alone be able to read it.

Inthrall: There must be some way to get light. Any ideas, Randomizer?

Randomizer: I don't know a light spell! Wait...who's that?

Inthrall readies his bow as the three of them listen to someone ahead of them. Suddenly, a small fire takes off and lights up the area. Pyro is crouching next to the fire, adding a few more twigs.

Pyro: You wanted light, right?

Ephesos: Yes. Now, let's see the map.

Ephesos pulls out his copy of the map and looks at it for a while. Then he throws it away in disgust.

Inthrall: Well?

Ephesos: We've run through too many passages. This place has more passages than the Honeycomb. I still have no idea where we are. Actually, we could be in the Honeycomb, for all I know.

Randomizer: Someone else is coming.

The undead have finally caught up with the small group. The four Spiderwebbers quickly put the fire between them and the undead. Inthrall and Pyro fire at the undead with their arrows. Ephesos casts repel spirit and Randomizer casts bolt of fire.

Randomizer: You know, using bolt of fire costs less energy and is equally efficient.

Ephesos: Yes, but I'm a priest, not a mage. Besides, I was killing eight undead at a time in the Avernum Trilogy Forum with repel spirit. You were only killing them one at a time.

For a while, the four of them hold the undead off. Then undead come pouring out of another side passage. The four of them are forced to abandon the fire. Inthrall and Pyro flee through one passage. Ephesos and Randomizer flee through another. On the bottom level, Arancaytar and Slartucker are being chased by undead. They pause to fire arrows back at the undead. Or at least, they fire arrows back at where they think the undead are, since it too dark to actually see them. Back on the top level, the undead finally find a staircase that isn't covered by archers. The Spiderwebbers are forced to retreat. Most turn and run for the exit. However, some take a wrong turn in the dark, twisting passages and get lost. Zeviz is one such member. After realizing his mistake, he turns to go back, only to find his path barred by undead. He casts bolt of fire several times and then runs off again. Not too far away, Wise Man and Lazarus are also lost and cut off by noobs. They pause to shoot in the direction of the undead and then run around the corner. Zeviz mistakes their approach for the approach of more undead and casts bolt of fire. The bolt illuminates the scene briefly as it hits Wise Man.

Zeviz: Oops.

Unfortunately, Wise Man release his bow, still loaded with an arrow. The arrow flies and hits Zeviz. Wise Man and Zeviz both die. Lazarus looks at the bodies and then looks down both passages. He can hear the undead coming from both sides. Just before the undead round the corners, he falls flat and plays dead. He stays perfectly still as an undead trips over him. He stays perfectly still as the undead snarl and growl. He barely manages to stay still as the undead pick him and the bodies of Wise Man and Zeviz up and carry them off. On the main level, Pyro and Inthrall have a pack of undead right on them as they run down a tunnel. Suddenly, they run straight into solid rock. Pyro feels around for another passage while Inthrall holds the undead off with his sword.

Pyro: Please tell me there is a secret passage here somewhere!

Inthrall has the sword clawed from his hand. He puts all the charm and charisma he can into one last attempt to get the undead to back off.

Inthrall: Halt! Stay ba... yaaah!

The undead take no notice and hurl themselves on him and Pyro. When they are both dead, the undead pick up their bodies and carry them back to the ur-noob. They arrive at about the same time that other undead arrive with Lazarus and the bodies of Zeviz and Wise Man. The ur-noob hardly notices; its attention in focused on a small side tunnel. It can clearly see something with its superb vision. Once the undead depart, Lazarus begins to crawl away as quietly as possible. The ur-noob doesn't notice. Its attention is still on the passage. Ephesos and Randomizer come running out of the tunnel.

Randomizer: Wait! We're back in the main cave. That means...

Randomizer yells as the ur-noob snaps him up and bites him in half with its mighty jaws. Ephesos is knocked to the ground. He scrambles up as the ur-noob swallows. The ur-noob picks him up between with two claws.

Ephesos: Divine retribution!

As he yells, he points at the ur-noob and puts all his spell energy into the spell. A cloud of fire hits the ur-noob in the face. The ur-noob laughs and drops Ephesos into its mouth. Then the ur-noob spits him out.

Ur-noob: DISGUSTING! HE TASTES... GOOD! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!

The ur-noob spits again to rid itself of the taste. Ephesos manages to get back up and run for the nearest side passage. Before he can reach it, he steps into a pit and falls to the bottom, where he lapses into unconsciousness. The ur-noob reaches a claw down in after him, but the pit narrows before the ur-noob can reach him. The ur-noob attempts to pull its hand out, only to discover that its hand is stuck. As the ur-noob alternately attempts to wrench its hand free and grab Ephesos, it shrieks at the undead.

Ur-noob: FIND ANOTHER WAY DOWN AND KILL HIM, YOU IDIOTS!

In the confusion, Lazarus hops up and runs off without anyone noticing. The undead obey the ur-noobs commands and rush down to the lower level any way they can. On the lower level, Arancaytar and Slartucker have finally managed to throw the undead following them off their trail. They halt suddenly.

Arancaytar: (Whispers.) What's that ahead?

Slartucker: (Whispers.) It's hard to tell, but it looks like the ur-noob's hand. What's it trying to reach for?

Arancaytar: (Whispers.) I'll find out.

Arancaytar ducks low and walks forward. Slartucker follows after a moment.

Arancaytar: (Whispers.) It's Ephesos.

Slartucker: (Whispers.) Is he dead?

Arancaytar: (Whispers.) No, he's still alive. Just unconscious. Help me carry him.

Slartucker: (Whispers.) Yuck. He's covered in something slimy.

Slartucker and Arancaytar carry Ephesos away from the ur-noob. Suddenly, they hear more undead coming towards them.

Arancaytar: Now what do we do?

Slartucker: There's an opening over there.

Arancaytar and Slartucker, still carrying Ephesos, duck into the opening, which turns out to be only a small cave.

Slartucker: (Whispers.) Wait! There's someone already in here!

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba says hello.

Arancaytar: Shh! The undead will hear us!

The undead miss the cave entrance and mill about in the main passage. Slartucker, Arancaytar, and Dikiyoba wait anxiously, hardly daring to breathe. Suddenly, a loud, high-pitched voice breaks the silence.

GIFTS: Hi! You're cute!

Without the Moderator Boards and with the Announcements Forum the next forum to be attacked, the surviving moderators are meeting in the Tech Support Forum.

Saunders: Has anyone seen Arancaytar?

Imban: He's still in the Avernum 4 Forum.

Kelandon: Theirs nothing we can do to help him or anyone else stuck in the Avernum 4 Forum. We have to defend the remaining forums now.

Saunders: In the General Forum, there are plenty of cans of spam. They would make good projectiles. And, if worst comes to worst, we can release the fluffy turtles.

Khoth: I don't see how we could even defend the Announcements Forum. Without an administrator, there's nothing we can do in it.

Imban: We could always put copies of the Code of Conduct everywhere.

Khoth: How will that help?

Imban: The Code of Conduct always trips noobs up.

Kelandon: Yes, and than I can ban them.

Saunders: You can't ban anyone!

Kelandon: I've been able to do it ever since Drakefyre gave me my new custom title. Me and Khoth will go prepare the Announcements Forum.

Khoth and Kelandon exit.

Saunders: I guess that means we're in charge of the General Forum?

Imban: Yes. The Tech Support Forum will have to take care of itself.

Imban and Saunders exit.

The GIFTS' voice echos through the cave and into the passages beyond.

Slartucker: Great! Now we're all going to die!

Arancaytar and Slartucker ready their bows. However, the undead seem confused by the echos and haven't found the cave entrance yet.

GIFTS: We're not going to die, silly!

Arancaytar fires at the first undead to discover the cave.

Arancaytar: How do you think will we escape?

GIFTS: There's a secret passage, silly! Follow me!

There is a scrabbling noise as the GIFTS runs over to the far corner of the cave and disappears. Slartucker and Arancaytar fire again. Dikiyoba drags Ephesos over to the corner of the cave and looks around.

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba thinks this secret passage is very small. Dikiyoba will have to crawl through it.

Slartucker: Hurry up and do so!

Slartucker shoots another undead. Dikiyoba crawls through a small, very short tunnel that opens into a much larger cave. Then Dikiyoba pulls Ephesos through. Arancaytar and Slartucker fire again. Arancaytar ducks into the secret tunnel. Slartucker fires again and crawls into the tunnel as well. He is about halfway into the large cave when undead claws grab his leg and start to pull him back.

Slartucker: No!

Dikiyoba grabs Slartucker's wrists and pulls back. Slartucker kicks at the undead grabbing him until another undead grabs into his other foot. Slartucker is pulled further back into the tunnel. Arancaytar grabs Slartucker as well. Slartucker panics.

Slartucker: Don't let me go!

In the small cave, a third undead grabs Slartucker's feet. It lets go as it is enveloped in sticky, suffocating webbing. The other two undead grabbing Slartucker suffer similar fates. In the large cave, Arancaytar and Dikiyoba pull Slartucker to safety. After a moment, he regains some of his composure.

Slartucker: Thanks for saving me. Now wake Ephesos up somehow. Look at what the undead claws did to me!

Arancaytar pulls out his bow and shoots an undead crawling through the tunnel. The GIFTS crawls back in through a secret passage near the ceiling and drops to the ground. In the slightly brighter light of the lair, the GIFTS is revealed to be only knee-high. It looks at Slartucker.

GIFTS: Hi! You're cute!

Slartucker: Will you just shut up?

The GIFTS thinks for a moment.

GIFTS: Did you know that you're cute?

Slartucker: Gah!

Arancaytar: Could I get some help here?

Arancaytar shoots another undead attempting to get in.

GIFTS: Of course, silly!

The GIFTS runs over to the passage and sprays a wad of impenetrable, gooey web over the entrance. Arancaytar puts away his bow.

Arancaytar: That's a relief.

GIFTS: You're so cute!

Dikiyoba reaches into Dikiyoba's inventory and pulls out a potion. Dikiyoba hands it to Slartucker.

Dikiyoba: This is Dikiyoba's last potion.

The GIFTS runs over.

GIFTS: You're cute!

Dikiyoba looks annoyed, but not nearly as annoyed as Slartucker.

Slartucker: This had better be a poison potion so that I don't have to put up with the GIFTS any longer.

Dikiyoba: No, it's a healing potion. At least Dikiyoba thinks it is a healing potion.

Slartucker drinks the healing potion. His cuts heal. Suddenly, Ephesos groans and sits up.

Ephesos: What's going on? Where am I?

GIFTS: Hi! You're cute!

Ephesos: Oh no! Are you what I think you are?

GIFTS: I am a Giant Intelligent Friendly Talking Spider! My name is Spider! Say, did you know that you are cute?

Ephesos: Somehow, I expected GIFTS to be somewhat larger.

GIFTS: We look larger in the games than we really are, silly.

Arancaytar: Now what do we do?

GIFTS: Are you looking for a mate? Because I am.

Arancaytar: You stay away from me.

Slartucker: Is there any other way out of this cave?

GIFTS: Sure! Follow me!

The GIFTS starts to scuttle through the cave. Slartucker, Arancaytar, Dikiyoba, and Ephesos follow. Suddenly, another GIFTS drops down from the ceiling.

GIFTS: You're cute!

Other GIFTS come out and surround the four Spiderwebbers. There must be close to a hundred of them. They all start talking in high-pitched voices. Slartucker covers his ears.

Slartucker: We're stuck in a cave with GIFTS. Could it get any worse?

On the main level, the ur-noob finally manages to pull its hand free. It looks at the passage below but sees nothing but undead below.

Ur-noob: UNDEAD! WHERE IS HE?

The multitudes of undead below shrug as one.

Ur-noob: YOU MEAN YOU LET HIM ESCAPE? ARGH!

Then the ur-noob pauses. It hears something. It puts its head close to the ground and listens carefully. It can hear many high-pitched voices and occasionally the more normal tones of a Spiderwebber. The ur-noob grins wickedly. Then it starts stomping on the ground. In the GIFTS cave, Dikiyoba looks up as the cave starts to shake and rocks dislodge from the ceiling.

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba has a bad feeling about this...

Arancaytar: What's going on?

Ephesos: A cave quake?

The GIFTS flee in terror. They all flee in one direction, however. The four Spiderwebbers dodge aside as a chunk of ceiling collapses.

Slartucker: What will we do?

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba thinks we should follow the GIFTS.

Arancaytar: I hate to admit it, but it's probably the best option we have.

The four Spiderwebbers run after the GIFTS. The GIFTS are all climbing up a narrow, nearly vertical escape tunnel.

Ephesos: It looks very narrow.

Another huge piece of ceiling collapses.

Arancaytar: We'll fit.

Arancaytar starts climbing. Dikiyoba follows, and then Slartucker and Ephesos. Shortly afterward, the whole ceiling of the cave collapses. The ur-noob smiles even more broadly as it looks at the rubble.

Ur-noob: THAT SHOULD TAKE CARE OF THEM!

The ur-noob then turns its attention to the ceiling. Using its hands and its fiery breath, it forms a hole large enough for it to crawl through. The ur-noob pulls itself up into the upper level of the forum. Lazarus is watching the huge group of undead blocking the forum's exit. He whirls around and pulls out his sword as he hears someone approaching.

Lazarus: Wha... oh. It's you. Hello, Infernal.

Infernal666hate: It's good to see someone else still alive. Wait... is that Demonslayer?

Lazarus: Yeah. I took it off of Zeviz's body.

Infernal666hate raises her stick.

Infernal666hate: We need to get out of here. Now. Before we are killed as well. So, should we just run in and start killing the undead and hope we make it through?

Lazarus: I was actually thinking about pretending to be undead.

Somewhere behind them, the ur-noob shrieks. Lazarus and Infernal666hate panic and run straight into the undead. The undead immediately attack. Lazarus and Infernal666hate stab at the undead with their weapons. Infernal666hate finally falls to the ground.

Infernal666hate: Oh, hell.

Infernal666hate dies. Lazarus collapses and dies soon afterward. The undead continue to claw him though, just in case he isn't really dead. The ur-noob enters the cave.

Ur-noob: GOOD! MORE DEAD SPIDERWEBBERS!

The ur-noob eats both bodies and steps towards the exit. There is a sudden snapping sound. The ur-noob lifts its foot to reveal Demonslayer, broken into three pieces. The ur-noob shrugs and exits. All the undead follow. Arancaytar, Dikiyoba, Slartucker, and Ephesos are still crawling up the tunnel. Suddenly, Arancaytar winces.

Arancaytar: Infernal666hate and Lazarus just died.

Arancaytar misses his next step and slips. He slides backwards, only stopping when his foot finds support against Dikiyoba's head.

Dikiyoba: You're hurting Dikiyoba!

Arancaytar: Sorry.

Arancaytar regains his balance and continues to climb up. Occasionally, the four Spiderwebbers can hear a high-pitched echo from above them.

Kelandon and Khoth are scattering copies of the Code of Conduct everywhere. The first undead enter the forum. Many of them trip over the Code of Conduct. Kelandon points at the ones who trip, and they vanish in a puff of smoke.

Khoth: I can't believe that this actually works.

Kelandon continues to ban the undead.

Kelandon: Of course it works. Its faster than killing them and works just as well, since theirs no one who would unban them.

Kelandon bans more undead as he speaks. Suddenly, there is a horrible growl.

Khoth: That's the ur-noob.

Kelandon: Let's get out of here. Now.

Kelandon and Khoth exit just as the ur-noob enters.

Ur-noob: WHAT'S THE HOLD UP?

The ur-noob sees one of the undead trip over a copy of the Code of Conduct.

Ur-noob: GET OUT OF THE WAY, FOOLS!

The undead get out of the way. The ur-noob breathes fire on the copies. They all go up in flames. The ur-noob laughs wildly.

Ur-noob: MUWAHAHAHA! VICTORY IS ALMOST OURS! JUST TWO MORE FORUMS LEFT! YOU, BRING ALL THE NOOBS AND 1337 H4X0RS HERE! WE'LL WAIT!

The chosen undead exits the forum. The ur-noob throws back its head and laughs again. Suddenly, it stops and shakes his head, as if trying to clear it. It doubles up and sneezes four times in quick succession. The undead look confused. The ur-noob straightens back up.

Ur-noob: IT'S NOTHING! NOTHING, I TELL YOU!

The undead who exited returns leading all the surviving members of the noob army into the Announcements Forum.

Ur-noob: LET'S GO!

The ur-noob leads the charge into the next forum.

Saunders and Imban are in the General Forum.

Saunders: How many Spiderwebbers are left?

Imban: Twenty-two, if Kelandon and Khoth make it back.

Suddenly, Mysterious Man appears.

Saunders: How did you get here?

Mysterious Man: The quirks of UBB. This is probably the worst time to come back, isn't it?

Saunders: Just about.

Imban: Twenty-three.

Underneath the forum, Arancaytar, Dikiyoba, Slartucker, and Ephesos are still climbing.

Slartucker: Where do you suppose we are now?

Arancaytar: I don't know, but I'm starting to feel... fluffy.

Ephesos: Fluffy?

Arancaytar: Yes. Now I know where we are... we're climbing into the fluffy turtle pit.

Slartucker: First GIFTS, now fluffy turtles.

Arancaytar climbs out of the tunnel and into the fluffy turtle pit. The fluffy turtles are standing around the edges of the pit. The GIFTS all stand clustered around the tunnel. Dikiyoba climbs out of the hole and notices how agitated the turtles look.

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba wants to know if the fluffy turtles are dangerous.

GIFTS: They've never attacked any of us, silly!

Slartucker climbs out of the tunnel as well.

Slartucker: (Mutters.) That's because you're all completely insane.

GIFTS: That's so cute of you to say!

Ephesos climbs out of the tunnel and looks up. There is a trapdoor, but it's several feet too high for the Spiderwebbers to reach.

Ephesos: The trapdoor is up there. If we can reach it, we'll be in the General Forum.

One of the GIFTS comes forward.

GIFTS: Wait! As Chief Spider, I say you can't leave, silly!

Arancaytar: Why not?

Chief Spider: Because we haven't had anyone to talk to for a really long time. And you're cute!

Slartucker: No! I refuse to stay here!

Arancaytar stares up at the trapdoor for a long time.

Arancaytar: The ur-noob will surely attack the General Forum soon. Chief Spider, would you and your spiders fight against the ur-noob?

Chief Spider: Is the ur-noob cute?

Arancaytar: No. It's... um... really large and mean and nasty. And the ur-noob is killing all the Spiderwebbers.

Chief Spider looks horrified. The fluffy turtles shuffle in the background.

Chief Spider: It's killing all the cute humans? We must do something. Right, Spider? And Spider?

There is a chorus of yeses from the GIFTS.

Arancaytar: Okay. So. Let us go through the trapdoor. When we need you, we'll call you. Okay?

Chief Spider: Okay! You're so smart and so cute! Are you looking for a mate?

Arancaytar: No!

Slartucker: But we still need a way to reach the trapdoor.

On the surface of the forum, Kelandon and Khoth enter.

Khoth: Well, the ur-noob and the noob army are in the Announcements Forum. It won't be long before they reach the General Forum now.

Saunders: It doesn't seem right to give up the Tech Support Forum without a fight.

Kelandon: How would you defend it?

Saunders: There's always the fluffy turtles.

The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Great idea!

The Almighty Do-er of Stuff runs over to the trapdoor and opens it.

The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Inspector Pea... Aran! Slartucker! Ephesos! Dikiyoba! What are you doing in there?

Imban: Twenty-seven.

Arancaytar: We had to get out of the Avernum 4 Forum somehow. Could you throw down a rope to help us out?

Saunders: No, but I can do better. There's a secret staircase.

Slartucker: Why is there a staircase?

Saunders: You don't expect fluffy turtles to climb ropes, do you?

Saunders pushes a button and a staircase appears. Arancaytar, Dikiyoba, Slartucker, and Ephesos climb out of the fluffy turtle pit.

Chief Spider: Now?

Arancaytar: No, not yet.

The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Inspector Peanut! Come up!

The largest of the fluffy turtles climbs up the stairs slowly. The lord of the fluffy turtles stares at the gathered Spiderwebbers with all the wisdom and dignity of one who has eaten many times its weight in sanity. Many Spiderwebbers watch it anxiously.

The Ripper: It's not dangerous, is it?

Saunders: Not if you've donated the proper amount of sanity to the turtle pit. Unfortunately for the noobs, they haven't.

The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: The fluffy turtles will give the ur-noob something to think about.

The rest of the fluffy turtles shuffle up the stairs. Saunders, the Almighty Do-er of Stuff, Inspector Peanut, and the rest of the fluffy turtles exit.