Scene 5: General Forum
Scene 5: General Forum DikiyobaSaunders and Imban are in the General Forum.
Saunders: How many Spiderwebbers are left?
Imban: Twenty-two, if Kelandon and Khoth make it back.
Suddenly, Mysterious Man appears.
Saunders: How did you get here?
Mysterious Man: The quirks of UBB. This is probably the worst time to come back, isn't it?
Saunders: Just about.
Imban: Twenty-three.
Underneath the forum, Arancaytar, Dikiyoba, Slartucker, and Ephesos are still climbing.
Slartucker: Where do you suppose we are now?
Arancaytar: I don't know, but I'm starting to feel... fluffy.
Ephesos: Fluffy?
Arancaytar: Yes. Now I know where we are... we're climbing into the fluffy turtle pit.
Slartucker: First GIFTS, now fluffy turtles.
Arancaytar climbs out of the tunnel and into the fluffy turtle pit. The fluffy turtles are standing around the edges of the pit. The GIFTS all stand clustered around the tunnel. Dikiyoba climbs out of the hole and notices how agitated the turtles look.
Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba wants to know if the fluffy turtles are dangerous.
GIFTS: They've never attacked any of us, silly!
Slartucker climbs out of the tunnel as well.
Slartucker: (Mutters.) That's because you're all completely insane.
GIFTS: That's so cute of you to say!
Ephesos climbs out of the tunnel and looks up. There is a trapdoor, but it's several feet too high for the Spiderwebbers to reach.
Ephesos: The trapdoor is up there. If we can reach it, we'll be in the General Forum.
One of the GIFTS comes forward.
GIFTS: Wait! As Chief Spider, I say you can't leave, silly!
Arancaytar: Why not?
Chief Spider: Because we haven't had anyone to talk to for a really long time. And you're cute!
Slartucker: No! I refuse to stay here!
Arancaytar stares up at the trapdoor for a long time.
Arancaytar: The ur-noob will surely attack the General Forum soon. Chief Spider, would you and your spiders fight against the ur-noob?
Chief Spider: Is the ur-noob cute?
Arancaytar: No. It's... um... really large and mean and nasty. And the ur-noob is killing all the Spiderwebbers.
Chief Spider looks horrified. The fluffy turtles shuffle in the background.
Chief Spider: It's killing all the cute humans? We must do something. Right, Spider? And Spider?
There is a chorus of yeses from the GIFTS.
Arancaytar: Okay. So. Let us go through the trapdoor. When we need you, we'll call you. Okay?
Chief Spider: Okay! You're so smart and so cute! Are you looking for a mate?
Arancaytar: No!
Slartucker: But we still need a way to reach the trapdoor.
On the surface of the forum, Kelandon and Khoth enter.
Khoth: Well, the ur-noob and the noob army are in the Announcements Forum. It won't be long before they reach the General Forum now.
Saunders: It doesn't seem right to give up the Tech Support Forum without a fight.
Kelandon: How would you defend it?
Saunders: There's always the fluffy turtles.
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Great idea!
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff runs over to the trapdoor and opens it.
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Inspector Pea... Aran! Slartucker! Ephesos! Dikiyoba! What are you doing in there?
Imban: Twenty-seven.
Arancaytar: We had to get out of the Avernum 4 Forum somehow. Could you throw down a rope to help us out?
Saunders: No, but I can do better. There's a secret staircase.
Slartucker: Why is there a staircase?
Saunders: You don't expect fluffy turtles to climb ropes, do you?
Saunders pushes a button and a staircase appears. Arancaytar, Dikiyoba, Slartucker, and Ephesos climb out of the fluffy turtle pit.
Chief Spider: Now?
Arancaytar: No, not yet.
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Inspector Peanut! Come up!
The largest of the fluffy turtles climbs up the stairs slowly. The lord of the fluffy turtles stares at the gathered Spiderwebbers with all the wisdom and dignity of one who has eaten many times its weight in sanity. Many Spiderwebbers watch it anxiously.
The Ripper: It's not dangerous, is it?
Saunders: Not if you've donated the proper amount of sanity to the turtle pit. Unfortunately for the noobs, they haven't.
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: The fluffy turtles will give the ur-noob something to think about.
The rest of the fluffy turtles shuffle up the stairs. Saunders, the Almighty Do-er of Stuff, Inspector Peanut, and the rest of the fluffy turtles exit.
Saunders: How many Spiderwebbers are left?
Imban: Twenty-two, if Kelandon and Khoth make it back.
Suddenly, Mysterious Man appears.
Saunders: How did you get here?
Mysterious Man: The quirks of UBB. This is probably the worst time to come back, isn't it?
Saunders: Just about.
Imban: Twenty-three.
Underneath the forum, Arancaytar, Dikiyoba, Slartucker, and Ephesos are still climbing.
Slartucker: Where do you suppose we are now?
Arancaytar: I don't know, but I'm starting to feel... fluffy.
Ephesos: Fluffy?
Arancaytar: Yes. Now I know where we are... we're climbing into the fluffy turtle pit.
Slartucker: First GIFTS, now fluffy turtles.
Arancaytar climbs out of the tunnel and into the fluffy turtle pit. The fluffy turtles are standing around the edges of the pit. The GIFTS all stand clustered around the tunnel. Dikiyoba climbs out of the hole and notices how agitated the turtles look.
Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba wants to know if the fluffy turtles are dangerous.
GIFTS: They've never attacked any of us, silly!
Slartucker climbs out of the tunnel as well.
Slartucker: (Mutters.) That's because you're all completely insane.
GIFTS: That's so cute of you to say!
Ephesos climbs out of the tunnel and looks up. There is a trapdoor, but it's several feet too high for the Spiderwebbers to reach.
Ephesos: The trapdoor is up there. If we can reach it, we'll be in the General Forum.
One of the GIFTS comes forward.
GIFTS: Wait! As Chief Spider, I say you can't leave, silly!
Arancaytar: Why not?
Chief Spider: Because we haven't had anyone to talk to for a really long time. And you're cute!
Slartucker: No! I refuse to stay here!
Arancaytar stares up at the trapdoor for a long time.
Arancaytar: The ur-noob will surely attack the General Forum soon. Chief Spider, would you and your spiders fight against the ur-noob?
Chief Spider: Is the ur-noob cute?
Arancaytar: No. It's... um... really large and mean and nasty. And the ur-noob is killing all the Spiderwebbers.
Chief Spider looks horrified. The fluffy turtles shuffle in the background.
Chief Spider: It's killing all the cute humans? We must do something. Right, Spider? And Spider?
There is a chorus of yeses from the GIFTS.
Arancaytar: Okay. So. Let us go through the trapdoor. When we need you, we'll call you. Okay?
Chief Spider: Okay! You're so smart and so cute! Are you looking for a mate?
Arancaytar: No!
Slartucker: But we still need a way to reach the trapdoor.
On the surface of the forum, Kelandon and Khoth enter.
Khoth: Well, the ur-noob and the noob army are in the Announcements Forum. It won't be long before they reach the General Forum now.
Saunders: It doesn't seem right to give up the Tech Support Forum without a fight.
Kelandon: How would you defend it?
Saunders: There's always the fluffy turtles.
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Great idea!
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff runs over to the trapdoor and opens it.
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Inspector Pea... Aran! Slartucker! Ephesos! Dikiyoba! What are you doing in there?
Imban: Twenty-seven.
Arancaytar: We had to get out of the Avernum 4 Forum somehow. Could you throw down a rope to help us out?
Saunders: No, but I can do better. There's a secret staircase.
Slartucker: Why is there a staircase?
Saunders: You don't expect fluffy turtles to climb ropes, do you?
Saunders pushes a button and a staircase appears. Arancaytar, Dikiyoba, Slartucker, and Ephesos climb out of the fluffy turtle pit.
Chief Spider: Now?
Arancaytar: No, not yet.
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Inspector Peanut! Come up!
The largest of the fluffy turtles climbs up the stairs slowly. The lord of the fluffy turtles stares at the gathered Spiderwebbers with all the wisdom and dignity of one who has eaten many times its weight in sanity. Many Spiderwebbers watch it anxiously.
The Ripper: It's not dangerous, is it?
Saunders: Not if you've donated the proper amount of sanity to the turtle pit. Unfortunately for the noobs, they haven't.
The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: The fluffy turtles will give the ur-noob something to think about.
The rest of the fluffy turtles shuffle up the stairs. Saunders, the Almighty Do-er of Stuff, Inspector Peanut, and the rest of the fluffy turtles exit.