The forum is very quiet. Alorael is stitching his next moniker into a quilt square. Thuryl is secretly posting and deleting, to make up for the days he missed last month. Saunders is eating a sandwich. Kelandon is instant messenging Marlenny. Drakefyre is deciding which details of Geneforge 4 to release and also deciding whether to check them for accuracy or not. Schrodinger is busy adding to the Avernum 4 walkthrough. Imban is busy being eveyone everywhere. Suddenly, Delicious Vlish runs in.

Delicious Vlish: The boards are under attack!

Thuryl: What do you mean?

Delicious Vlish: There is a horde of noobs headed this way, led by the mysterious ur-noob.

Schrodinger: What should we do?

Drakefyre: Jeff might be on these boards! I'll go see if he's here and help him to safety if he is. After all, these boards are expendable but without Jeff, there will be no more games!

Thuryl: After Avernum 4, he doesn't deserve to escape and create more games.

Drakefyre: That's because you don't know what will be in Geneforge 4.

Drakefyre exits.

Thuryl: So, what is the current situation, Delicious Vlish?

Delicious Vlish: It looks bad. The wanderers have fled, of course. The lurkers have retreated to the shadows. The newbs have absolutely no idea what to do. Why, some of them haven't even posted before. Ed is alternately in tears and insulting everyone he can. TM is with your mom.

Thuryl: What!

Thuryl runs out.

Kelandon: I'll take charge of the newbs. I'll ensure that none of them are noobs in disguise. Arancaytar can help me.

Kelandon exits.

Imban: Where will the noobs attack first?

Delicious Vlish: I heard a rumor that they are coming from underground.

Alorael: The SubTerra Forum! Delicious Vlish, are the noobs pedestrians?

Delicious Vlish: Well, they are on foot.

Alorael: Great!

Alorael grabs a sniper rifle and a bunch of skribbane potions and exits.

Schrodinger: I suppose my walkthrough will have to wait. Come on, then.

Schrodinger, Imban, and Delicious Vlish exit.

All of the newbs stand in a long line. Arancaytar is handing each one a copy of the Code of Conduct. Kelandon is inspecting each one closely.

Kelandon: You look good. Excellent, excellent. Ah! You there! Arghhhhhhhhh, what do you have to say for yourself?

Arghhhhhhhhh: this is a good fanatasy just like eragon and dragonlance i like fanatasys

Kelandon: You're a noob! Take him away! Ban his account!

Arghhhhhhhhh: arghhhhhhhhhh! ive been banned!

Arghhhhhhhhh disappears in a cloud of smoke.

Kelandon: Next! Well, you look fine. No blemishes on your account. Of course, you haven't ever posted. And you look fine too. Just came here for technical help? Sorry about all this. Shaper Lord, what do you have to say for yourself?

Shaper Lord: This forum is stupid. I don't see why anyone would waste their time attacking it, let alone defending it.

Kelandon: Well, you don't have to. But you won't get any more chances to insult it, either.

Shaper Lord disappears in a cloud of smoke. Drakefyre enters.

Drakefyre: Well, Jeff has escaped to create more games. Hopefully, the plots are better than Avernum 4.

Arancaytar: Great! All the newbs have been given a copy of the Code of Conduct. I'm going to go see if I can entice some of the lurkers out of the shadows.

Arancaytar exits.

Kelandon: Good, good. Nothing wrong with you. You, learn to spell. Otherwise, it's good. Hey! You're that crazy Minotaur guy!

I_am_a_Minotaur: Yes! I am a Minotaur! Soon, a horde of minotaurs will come...

Kelandon: Good-bye, I_am_a_Minotaur.

I_am_a_Minotaur disappears in a cloud of smoke.

Drakefyre: Wait a minute... since when did you have the ability to ban people?

Kelandon: Ever since you gave me my custom title.

Drakefyre: Oh. (Long pause.) Well, you seem to have everything under control. I'm off to the SubTerra Forum.

Drakefyre exits.

Kelandon: You look fine. So do you. Zephyr Tempest, what are you doing here?

Zephyr Tempest: As I was canned, I thought that I should...

Kelandon: No, you've been cleared. Go join the others.

Zephyr Tempest: Really? Woo hoo!

Zephyr Tempest runs out.

Kelandon: You look good. You haven't posted. You, I'm not so sure of. I'll let you stay for now. Be sure that you behave yourself.

Arancaytar enters.

Arancaytar: I can't get any lurkers to join us. I had one come out, but he promptly disappeared again.

Kelandon: Not surprising, Aran. I'm down to the final newb... Ed.

Ed: Yes, it is me. I have returned. What are you going to do about it, you silly cucumber?

Kelandon: I think I'll ban you.

Ed: No, you won't. I'm leaving. But I'll be back when you don't expect it.

Ed runs out.

Arancaytar: How can he come back when we don't expect it if we always expect it?

Kelandon: I'll get him when he comes back. Arancaytar, you take charge of the newbs. I'm going to see if I can find Lenar Labs. He's the only one who can translate for the Silent Assassin. I suspect the Silent Assassin will be able to encourage the lurkers to fight.

Arancaytar: What am I supposed to do with the newbs while you're away? I'm not a moderator.

Kelandon: You'll think of something.

Kelandon exits.

Arancaytar: Uh...hello, newbs. What should I do about you all? (Long pause.) Hmm...I got it. You there, go fetch blue paint. Lots and lots of blue paint. The rest of you, start stripping.