Scene 2: General Forum
Scene 2: General Forum
Saunders enters the forum.
Saunders: The fluffy turtles did a good job, but it wasn't good enough. The ur-noob will be here shortly.
Nobody bothers to ask where the Almighty Do-er of Stuff was. They had all seen Arancaytar adding to the stats. The Spiderwebbers grimly prepare for the final battle. Shortly afterwards, the ur-noob enters the forum. Despite looking distinctly ill and having a severely depleted army, it stands taller than ever before. It is now over twenty feet tall. All of the Spiderwebbers scatter to good hiding spots, except for Spy-there, who is paralyzed with fear and sudden realization.
Spy-there: You're... you're... you're Rentar-Blaze, the evil vahnatakon from Avernumforge 5 and 4/3!
Ur-noob: THAT'S RIGHT! SAY YOUR MONOLOGUES NOW, SPIDERWEBBERS! YOU WON'T GET ANOTHER CHANCE!
The ur-noob stomps on Spy-there, crushing her beneath its foot. Spy-there dies.
Ur-noob: GET THEM, NOOBS!
The noob army rushes forward. Arancaytar opens the trapdoor to the fluffy turtle pit.
Chief Spider: You're cute!
Arancaytar: Attack now!
Chief Spider: Okay, silly!
The first of the GIFTS climb out of the pit. The noobs hack, claw, and stupidify the GIFTS. The GIFTS web and bite the noobs. As bad as the noob army was hit by the fluffy turtles in the Tech Support Forum, it is getting hit far worse by the GIFTS here. Of course, the GIFTS are getting slaughtered as well. One of them keels over and dies right next to Slartucker.
Slartucker: That's funny. I think this is the first death I don't feel guilty about in the slightest.
Many Spiderwebbers are throwing cans of spam at the noobs. dXs, however, is throwing Mahatma rice cakes. One of the cakes hits a 1337 h4x0r over the head and knocks it unconscious. A GIFTS bites the undead right next to it.
Ur-noob: WHAT!
The ur-noob promptly steps on it. The ur-noob squishes every GIFTS it can get a foot on. Smoke pours from its nostrils as it rants.
Ur-noob: I'LL SQUISH YOU ALL, SPIDERS AND SPIDERWEBBERS ALIKE! DIE, ALL OF YOU!
The ur-noob's foot crushes Desert Pl@h. He dies. Sir David avoids the ur-noob's foot and stabs a noob with his sword. Dikiyoba is trapped in a corner by three 1337 h4x0rs. Dikiyoba manages to kill the first one and the second one, but is struck by the third one's axe before Dikiyoba can bring it down.
Dikiyoba: Alas! Dikiyoba dies now.
Dikiyoba dies. Four or five undead attack and kill Archmagus Michael. As Ephesos turns to cast repel spirit on them, a pack of undead hurl themselves on upon him. Ephesos manages to cast repel spirit once before disappearing underneath the undead and their claws.
Ephesos: Nooooooooo! I refuse to die like this!
Ephesos attempts to cast repel spirit again. Halfway through the spell, undead claws sink into his stomach. He loses control of the spell. A blast of magical energy surges through the forum, killing every last undead. All thirty-six pages of Terror's Martyr's undead topic vanishes in a flash of light. But with no spell energy left to heal himself, Ephesos quickly loses consciousness and dies. A bolt of fire from Hawk King flies out of the shadows and catches several noobs on fire. The Ripper hurls a can of spam at a noob. Sir David stabs a 1337 h4x0r and ducks the low-flying can of spam. Zephyr Tempest isn't so lucky. He is knocked unconscious by the can. A 1337 h4x0r kills him. Sir David kills the 1337 h4x0r. The ur-noob kills Sir David. A can of spam bounces off the ur-noob's knee.
Ur-noob: THIS'LL TEACH YOU!
The ur-noob picks up the can and hurls it back. The can hits Kingy, killing him. Chief Spider is horrified.
Chief Spider: You're not cute! You're really mean and ugly!
Chief Spider runs toward the ur-noob and attempts to bite it. The ur-noob squishes it.
Ur-noob: HAHA! THAT'S THE LAST OF YOU LITTLE BUGGERS! COME, NOOBS! ATTACK!
The silence that follows is only broken by a loud clunk as a can of spam thrown by FBM wipes out the last surviving noob. The ur-noob looks around.
Ur-noob: WHAT! THERE ALL DEAD!
At the sound of this, Kelandon jumps up, touching the lump on his head.
Kelandon: Hey! I remember again! That's the wrong form. It should be they're, not there.
Ur-noob: NO, IT'S RIGHT... BECAUSE I SAY IT'S RIGHT!
The ur-noob lunges towards Kelandon and eats him. Another bolt of fire flies from the shadows and hits the ur-noob on the back. As the ur-noob whirls around, it is hit by about fifteen cans of spam. As it turns around again, it is hit by another bolt of fire.
Ur-noob: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
The ur-noob growls and shrieks again. But this time, the Spiderwebbers don't collapse or run off. The ur-noob's power is fading. Another bolt of fire hits it in the back. The ur-noob whirls around and breathes fire into the shadows. Hawk King goes up in flames and dies. The ur-noob starts to laugh, only to end up coughing.
Shaun Waun: Look! It's weakening! We can bring it down!
Saunders: That's what the Almighty Do-er of Stuff said before he was killed.
The Ripper: But did the Almighty Do-er of Stuff have rope?
The Ripper pulls out many lengths of rope. The surviving Spiderwebbers take them and rush out while the ur-noob is coughing. The first rope lassos around the ur-noob's neck, choking it even worse. Other ropes are thrown around the ur-noobs arms and legs. As the ur-noob screeches and tries to break free, more ropes are thrown around it. The ur-noob bites through a rope holding its arm back. Enraged Slith rushes in and stabs the ur-noob with his slith spear, right on the damaged skin that had been injured earlier. The ur-noob howls as the spear punctures its skin. More ropes wrap around the ur-noob. One of the ropes tightens around the ur-noob's jaws. Finally, the ur-noob crashes to the floor. Shaun Waun and the Ripper rush forward.
The Ripper: We've got it now!
Slartucker looks at the ur-noob carefully and sees something he doesn't like. He immediately takes off.
Slartucker: Run!
The ur-noob suddenly lunges, breaking free of the ropes. It breaks the rope holding its mouth shut and breathes fire.
Shaun Waun: Oh dear.
The Ripper and Shaun Waun don't have a chance to get out of the way of the flames. They die. The other Spiderwebbers scatter. The ur-noob gets to its feet again.
Ur-noob: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DEFEAT ME? ME! THE GREATEST, MIGHTEST, AND MOST POWERFUL BEING EVER TO LIVE! YOU WERE WRONG!
The ur-noob reaches out and picks up Happa Tai Yattai.
Happa Tai Yattai: The toenails will have their revenge someday!
The ur-noob tosses Happa Tai Yattai into its mouth and swallows. Drew runs for the exit to the forum. He opens the door and slams right into the magical barrier. The ur-noob laughs.
Ur-noob: HAHAHAHA! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME!
dXs and Enraged Slith pop out of their hiding places to enable Drew to escape. dXs throws rice cakes at the ur-noob and Enraged Slith throws javelins. They attempt to return to their hiding places but the ur-noob is too fast for them. The ur-noob stomps on them both. They die. The whole forum is silent because the rest of the Spiderwebbers are hiding.
Ur-noob: I KNOW THAT YOU'RE STILL HERE, SPIDERWEBBERS. YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME!
The surviving Spiderwebbers lurk in the shadows as best they can while the ur-noob looks around. Slartucker looks over and realizes that Arancaytar is hiding nearby. Then he realizes how faint the magical barrier has become.
Slartucker: (Whispers.) Aran. Is it just me, or is the barrier fading?
Arancaytar looks at the barrier.
Arancaytar: (Whispers.) I think it's fading. If we can't stay alive just a little bit longer, we might be able to escape.
Ur-noob: WHERE ARE YOU HIDING? COME OUT, YOU LITTLE COWARDS!
Rent-an-Ihrno: Cowards! You're twenty feet tall. You brought a whole army to protect you! And yet you're calling us cowards?
Rent-an-Ihrno rushes out of his hiding place and points an accusing finger at the ur-noob.
Rent-an-Ihrno: Rentar-Blaze, you're the coward!
The ur-noob's foot comes down and squishes Rent-an-Ihrno. He dies. The ur-noob waits for a moment.
Ur-noob: WELL? AREN'T YOU ALL GOING TO RUSH AT ME IN ANGER?
There is silence.
Ur-noob: I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS THE HARD WAY. I'M COMING TO LOOK FOR YOU!
The ur-noob breaks into another coughing and sneezing fit. Slartucker watches the barriers flicker wildly. At times, the barrier is almost gone. The surviving Spiderwebbers have noticed it too. FBM inches closer towards the door. Khoth and Saunders leave their hiding place while the ur-noob is sneezing and try to cross the forum. However, the ur-noob sees them. It whirls around, coughs one last time, and lunges at them. Saunders ducks the ur-noob's teeth but Khoth isn't so lucky. The ur-noob eats him and then charges after Saunders. Saunders slips into a hiding place, only to be pushed out by Dareva.
Dareva: I'm already here.
Saunders tries to run somewhere else but the ur-noob catches up and eats her first. Then the ur-noob drags Dareva out of her hiding place and eats her as well. The barrier guarding the door flickers even lower.
Arancaytar: (Whispers.) Do you think we should run for it now?
Slartucker: (Whispers.) Not quite yet.
The ur-noob roars loudly. Arancaytar and Slartucker cover their ears.
Ur-noob: I'M GETTING REALLY FRUSTRATED WITH YOUR SILLY LITTLE GAMES!
FBM and Drew suddenly bolt for the door. The ur-noob sees them and chases after them. They make it to the barrier. The moment that they touch it, however, the barrier explodes, sending all its remaining energy through them and killing them. The ur-noob, seeing that the barrier is gone, waves a hand at the doorway, expecting the barrier to reappear. Nothing happens. The ur-noob growls angrily. It closes the door and sits down in front of it.
Ur-noob: NO MATTER! YOU WILL STILL NOT ESCAPE!
The ur-noob begins coughing again. Still, it keeps an eye on the exit back into the tech support forum and the fluffy turtle pit.
Slartucker: (Whispers.) Now what?
Arancaytar: (Whispers.) I don't know.
In another hiding spot, Silver pulls out a map of the general forum. Mysterious Man sees him.
Mysterious Man: What are you doing?
Silver: Searching for any possible secret tunnels.
Mysterious Man: There aren't going to be any secret tunnels in the General Forum. On second thought, UBB is strange...
The ur-noob stands up again and paces around the forum. It starts to look in all the obvious hiding places. Slartucker and Arancaytar hold their breaths as the ur-noob glances towards their hiding place. The ur-noob overlooks them and steps further away from the door. Slartucker and Arancaytar make a break for it. Imban, Mysterious Man, and Silver run for the door as well. The ur-noob whirls around, but Slartucker's hand is already turning the doorknob.
Slartucker: Yes! We're fr... ahhh! What are you doing here?
Ed is standing at the door. He positions himself so that he is blocking the exit.
Ed: I told you I'd be back when you least expected it!
Arancaytar: Ed, get out of the way. Now!
Ed: No.
The ur-noob's fist smashes into Arancaytar and Slartucker. They are thrown against the wall. Arancaytar dies upon impact. Slartucker is merely injured too badly to get up. Ed steps into the forum just in time to see Silver get squished by the ur-noob. Silver dies. Ed looks confused.
Ed: What's going on?
The ur-noob stomps on Mysterious Man as well. Mysterious Man dies. Imban dodges the next stomp.
Imban: Everyone's getting killed! What did you think was happening?
Ed stands in awe as the ur-noob finally manages to stomp on Imban as well. Imban dies. The ur-noob stares at Ed.
Ur-noob: AHA! I HAVE ONE NOOB LEFT!
Ed: That's just rubbish! I'm not a noob!
Ur-noob: OH! MY MISTAKE YOU MUST BE A SPIDERWEBBER, THEN! SORRY, I WAS CONFUSED!
The ur-noob's foot comes down and kills Ed as well. The ur-noob spreads its wings wide and laughs wildly.
Ur-noob: YES! YES! THE BATTLE IS OVER! I WIN! VICTORY IS MINE! THE BATTLE IS OVER! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Suddenly, the ur-noob sneezes violently. A small piece of metal flies from its nose. The ur-noob stoops down to examine it.
Ur-noob: IT'S A PIECE BROKEN OFF OF THE REAPERDISK THAT I GOT HIT WITH EARLIER! IT'S BEEN STUCK IN MY NOSE THE WHOLE TIME?
Suddenly, the ur-noob starts to shake violently. It sneezes again, even more violently than before.
Ur-noob: BUT... BUT... THE BATTLE IS OVER! I WON!
The ur-noob sneezes again. It trembles worse than ever.
Ur-noob: I... I... THIS CAN'T BE! THIS... CAN'T...
The ur-noob casts every healing and curing spell it can think of on itself. The spells have no affect whatsoever. The ur-noob sneezes several more times. The ur-noob looks at the piece of reaperdisk again.
Ur-noob: OH NO! IT WAS POISONED! POISONED! THIS CAN'T... CAN'T BE... HAPPENING...
The ur-noob suddenly dies. It hits the floor with a mighty thud. Slartucker manages to pull himself into a sitting position, using the wall to hold himself up. He looks at the dead noobs, 1337 h4x0rs, undead, Spiderwebbers, and GIFTS laying all over the forum. Then looks at the dead ur-noob. Suddenly, he starts to laugh like a maniac.
Slartucker: It's over! It's finally all over! No more running and fighting and killing and dying! It's all over!
Slartucker dies.
Saunders: The fluffy turtles did a good job, but it wasn't good enough. The ur-noob will be here shortly.
Nobody bothers to ask where the Almighty Do-er of Stuff was. They had all seen Arancaytar adding to the stats. The Spiderwebbers grimly prepare for the final battle. Shortly afterwards, the ur-noob enters the forum. Despite looking distinctly ill and having a severely depleted army, it stands taller than ever before. It is now over twenty feet tall. All of the Spiderwebbers scatter to good hiding spots, except for Spy-there, who is paralyzed with fear and sudden realization.
Spy-there: You're... you're... you're Rentar-Blaze, the evil vahnatakon from Avernumforge 5 and 4/3!
Ur-noob: THAT'S RIGHT! SAY YOUR MONOLOGUES NOW, SPIDERWEBBERS! YOU WON'T GET ANOTHER CHANCE!
The ur-noob stomps on Spy-there, crushing her beneath its foot. Spy-there dies.
Ur-noob: GET THEM, NOOBS!
The noob army rushes forward. Arancaytar opens the trapdoor to the fluffy turtle pit.
Chief Spider: You're cute!
Arancaytar: Attack now!
Chief Spider: Okay, silly!
The first of the GIFTS climb out of the pit. The noobs hack, claw, and stupidify the GIFTS. The GIFTS web and bite the noobs. As bad as the noob army was hit by the fluffy turtles in the Tech Support Forum, it is getting hit far worse by the GIFTS here. Of course, the GIFTS are getting slaughtered as well. One of them keels over and dies right next to Slartucker.
Slartucker: That's funny. I think this is the first death I don't feel guilty about in the slightest.
Many Spiderwebbers are throwing cans of spam at the noobs. dXs, however, is throwing Mahatma rice cakes. One of the cakes hits a 1337 h4x0r over the head and knocks it unconscious. A GIFTS bites the undead right next to it.
Ur-noob: WHAT!
The ur-noob promptly steps on it. The ur-noob squishes every GIFTS it can get a foot on. Smoke pours from its nostrils as it rants.
Ur-noob: I'LL SQUISH YOU ALL, SPIDERS AND SPIDERWEBBERS ALIKE! DIE, ALL OF YOU!
The ur-noob's foot crushes Desert Pl@h. He dies. Sir David avoids the ur-noob's foot and stabs a noob with his sword. Dikiyoba is trapped in a corner by three 1337 h4x0rs. Dikiyoba manages to kill the first one and the second one, but is struck by the third one's axe before Dikiyoba can bring it down.
Dikiyoba: Alas! Dikiyoba dies now.
Dikiyoba dies. Four or five undead attack and kill Archmagus Michael. As Ephesos turns to cast repel spirit on them, a pack of undead hurl themselves on upon him. Ephesos manages to cast repel spirit once before disappearing underneath the undead and their claws.
Ephesos: Nooooooooo! I refuse to die like this!
Ephesos attempts to cast repel spirit again. Halfway through the spell, undead claws sink into his stomach. He loses control of the spell. A blast of magical energy surges through the forum, killing every last undead. All thirty-six pages of Terror's Martyr's undead topic vanishes in a flash of light. But with no spell energy left to heal himself, Ephesos quickly loses consciousness and dies. A bolt of fire from Hawk King flies out of the shadows and catches several noobs on fire. The Ripper hurls a can of spam at a noob. Sir David stabs a 1337 h4x0r and ducks the low-flying can of spam. Zephyr Tempest isn't so lucky. He is knocked unconscious by the can. A 1337 h4x0r kills him. Sir David kills the 1337 h4x0r. The ur-noob kills Sir David. A can of spam bounces off the ur-noob's knee.
Ur-noob: THIS'LL TEACH YOU!
The ur-noob picks up the can and hurls it back. The can hits Kingy, killing him. Chief Spider is horrified.
Chief Spider: You're not cute! You're really mean and ugly!
Chief Spider runs toward the ur-noob and attempts to bite it. The ur-noob squishes it.
Ur-noob: HAHA! THAT'S THE LAST OF YOU LITTLE BUGGERS! COME, NOOBS! ATTACK!
The silence that follows is only broken by a loud clunk as a can of spam thrown by FBM wipes out the last surviving noob. The ur-noob looks around.
Ur-noob: WHAT! THERE ALL DEAD!
At the sound of this, Kelandon jumps up, touching the lump on his head.
Kelandon: Hey! I remember again! That's the wrong form. It should be they're, not there.
Ur-noob: NO, IT'S RIGHT... BECAUSE I SAY IT'S RIGHT!
The ur-noob lunges towards Kelandon and eats him. Another bolt of fire flies from the shadows and hits the ur-noob on the back. As the ur-noob whirls around, it is hit by about fifteen cans of spam. As it turns around again, it is hit by another bolt of fire.
Ur-noob: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
The ur-noob growls and shrieks again. But this time, the Spiderwebbers don't collapse or run off. The ur-noob's power is fading. Another bolt of fire hits it in the back. The ur-noob whirls around and breathes fire into the shadows. Hawk King goes up in flames and dies. The ur-noob starts to laugh, only to end up coughing.
Shaun Waun: Look! It's weakening! We can bring it down!
Saunders: That's what the Almighty Do-er of Stuff said before he was killed.
The Ripper: But did the Almighty Do-er of Stuff have rope?
The Ripper pulls out many lengths of rope. The surviving Spiderwebbers take them and rush out while the ur-noob is coughing. The first rope lassos around the ur-noob's neck, choking it even worse. Other ropes are thrown around the ur-noobs arms and legs. As the ur-noob screeches and tries to break free, more ropes are thrown around it. The ur-noob bites through a rope holding its arm back. Enraged Slith rushes in and stabs the ur-noob with his slith spear, right on the damaged skin that had been injured earlier. The ur-noob howls as the spear punctures its skin. More ropes wrap around the ur-noob. One of the ropes tightens around the ur-noob's jaws. Finally, the ur-noob crashes to the floor. Shaun Waun and the Ripper rush forward.
The Ripper: We've got it now!
Slartucker looks at the ur-noob carefully and sees something he doesn't like. He immediately takes off.
Slartucker: Run!
The ur-noob suddenly lunges, breaking free of the ropes. It breaks the rope holding its mouth shut and breathes fire.
Shaun Waun: Oh dear.
The Ripper and Shaun Waun don't have a chance to get out of the way of the flames. They die. The other Spiderwebbers scatter. The ur-noob gets to its feet again.
Ur-noob: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DEFEAT ME? ME! THE GREATEST, MIGHTEST, AND MOST POWERFUL BEING EVER TO LIVE! YOU WERE WRONG!
The ur-noob reaches out and picks up Happa Tai Yattai.
Happa Tai Yattai: The toenails will have their revenge someday!
The ur-noob tosses Happa Tai Yattai into its mouth and swallows. Drew runs for the exit to the forum. He opens the door and slams right into the magical barrier. The ur-noob laughs.
Ur-noob: HAHAHAHA! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME!
dXs and Enraged Slith pop out of their hiding places to enable Drew to escape. dXs throws rice cakes at the ur-noob and Enraged Slith throws javelins. They attempt to return to their hiding places but the ur-noob is too fast for them. The ur-noob stomps on them both. They die. The whole forum is silent because the rest of the Spiderwebbers are hiding.
Ur-noob: I KNOW THAT YOU'RE STILL HERE, SPIDERWEBBERS. YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME!
The surviving Spiderwebbers lurk in the shadows as best they can while the ur-noob looks around. Slartucker looks over and realizes that Arancaytar is hiding nearby. Then he realizes how faint the magical barrier has become.
Slartucker: (Whispers.) Aran. Is it just me, or is the barrier fading?
Arancaytar looks at the barrier.
Arancaytar: (Whispers.) I think it's fading. If we can't stay alive just a little bit longer, we might be able to escape.
Ur-noob: WHERE ARE YOU HIDING? COME OUT, YOU LITTLE COWARDS!
Rent-an-Ihrno: Cowards! You're twenty feet tall. You brought a whole army to protect you! And yet you're calling us cowards?
Rent-an-Ihrno rushes out of his hiding place and points an accusing finger at the ur-noob.
Rent-an-Ihrno: Rentar-Blaze, you're the coward!
The ur-noob's foot comes down and squishes Rent-an-Ihrno. He dies. The ur-noob waits for a moment.
Ur-noob: WELL? AREN'T YOU ALL GOING TO RUSH AT ME IN ANGER?
There is silence.
Ur-noob: I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS THE HARD WAY. I'M COMING TO LOOK FOR YOU!
The ur-noob breaks into another coughing and sneezing fit. Slartucker watches the barriers flicker wildly. At times, the barrier is almost gone. The surviving Spiderwebbers have noticed it too. FBM inches closer towards the door. Khoth and Saunders leave their hiding place while the ur-noob is sneezing and try to cross the forum. However, the ur-noob sees them. It whirls around, coughs one last time, and lunges at them. Saunders ducks the ur-noob's teeth but Khoth isn't so lucky. The ur-noob eats him and then charges after Saunders. Saunders slips into a hiding place, only to be pushed out by Dareva.
Dareva: I'm already here.
Saunders tries to run somewhere else but the ur-noob catches up and eats her first. Then the ur-noob drags Dareva out of her hiding place and eats her as well. The barrier guarding the door flickers even lower.
Arancaytar: (Whispers.) Do you think we should run for it now?
Slartucker: (Whispers.) Not quite yet.
The ur-noob roars loudly. Arancaytar and Slartucker cover their ears.
Ur-noob: I'M GETTING REALLY FRUSTRATED WITH YOUR SILLY LITTLE GAMES!
FBM and Drew suddenly bolt for the door. The ur-noob sees them and chases after them. They make it to the barrier. The moment that they touch it, however, the barrier explodes, sending all its remaining energy through them and killing them. The ur-noob, seeing that the barrier is gone, waves a hand at the doorway, expecting the barrier to reappear. Nothing happens. The ur-noob growls angrily. It closes the door and sits down in front of it.
Ur-noob: NO MATTER! YOU WILL STILL NOT ESCAPE!
The ur-noob begins coughing again. Still, it keeps an eye on the exit back into the tech support forum and the fluffy turtle pit.
Slartucker: (Whispers.) Now what?
Arancaytar: (Whispers.) I don't know.
In another hiding spot, Silver pulls out a map of the general forum. Mysterious Man sees him.
Mysterious Man: What are you doing?
Silver: Searching for any possible secret tunnels.
Mysterious Man: There aren't going to be any secret tunnels in the General Forum. On second thought, UBB is strange...
The ur-noob stands up again and paces around the forum. It starts to look in all the obvious hiding places. Slartucker and Arancaytar hold their breaths as the ur-noob glances towards their hiding place. The ur-noob overlooks them and steps further away from the door. Slartucker and Arancaytar make a break for it. Imban, Mysterious Man, and Silver run for the door as well. The ur-noob whirls around, but Slartucker's hand is already turning the doorknob.
Slartucker: Yes! We're fr... ahhh! What are you doing here?
Ed is standing at the door. He positions himself so that he is blocking the exit.
Ed: I told you I'd be back when you least expected it!
Arancaytar: Ed, get out of the way. Now!
Ed: No.
The ur-noob's fist smashes into Arancaytar and Slartucker. They are thrown against the wall. Arancaytar dies upon impact. Slartucker is merely injured too badly to get up. Ed steps into the forum just in time to see Silver get squished by the ur-noob. Silver dies. Ed looks confused.
Ed: What's going on?
The ur-noob stomps on Mysterious Man as well. Mysterious Man dies. Imban dodges the next stomp.
Imban: Everyone's getting killed! What did you think was happening?
Ed stands in awe as the ur-noob finally manages to stomp on Imban as well. Imban dies. The ur-noob stares at Ed.
Ur-noob: AHA! I HAVE ONE NOOB LEFT!
Ed: That's just rubbish! I'm not a noob!
Ur-noob: OH! MY MISTAKE YOU MUST BE A SPIDERWEBBER, THEN! SORRY, I WAS CONFUSED!
The ur-noob's foot comes down and kills Ed as well. The ur-noob spreads its wings wide and laughs wildly.
Ur-noob: YES! YES! THE BATTLE IS OVER! I WIN! VICTORY IS MINE! THE BATTLE IS OVER! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Suddenly, the ur-noob sneezes violently. A small piece of metal flies from its nose. The ur-noob stoops down to examine it.
Ur-noob: IT'S A PIECE BROKEN OFF OF THE REAPERDISK THAT I GOT HIT WITH EARLIER! IT'S BEEN STUCK IN MY NOSE THE WHOLE TIME?
Suddenly, the ur-noob starts to shake violently. It sneezes again, even more violently than before.
Ur-noob: BUT... BUT... THE BATTLE IS OVER! I WON!
The ur-noob sneezes again. It trembles worse than ever.
Ur-noob: I... I... THIS CAN'T BE! THIS... CAN'T...
The ur-noob casts every healing and curing spell it can think of on itself. The spells have no affect whatsoever. The ur-noob sneezes several more times. The ur-noob looks at the piece of reaperdisk again.
Ur-noob: OH NO! IT WAS POISONED! POISONED! THIS CAN'T... CAN'T BE... HAPPENING...
The ur-noob suddenly dies. It hits the floor with a mighty thud. Slartucker manages to pull himself into a sitting position, using the wall to hold himself up. He looks at the dead noobs, 1337 h4x0rs, undead, Spiderwebbers, and GIFTS laying all over the forum. Then looks at the dead ur-noob. Suddenly, he starts to laugh like a maniac.
Slartucker: It's over! It's finally all over! No more running and fighting and killing and dying! It's all over!
Slartucker dies.