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Scene 1: Richard White Games Forum

Scene 1: Richard White Games Forum

The members of the Richard White cult stand ready for the first noobs to break into the forum. They stand together in perfectly straight ranks, looking unusually calm and mysterious. All of them are wearing robes with hoods covering their faces. They are also armed with large tranquilizer guns.

Student of Trinity: Why are we wearing these robes again? I thought the only thing you needed to join the cult was an implant?

Spring: It was, until Icshi retroactively made robes a requirement of the cult.

Ben4808: Does it seem like we have fewer people than usual?

Wise Man: They'll turn up again. They always do.

The Almighty Do-er of Stuff indicates his gun.

The Almighty Do-er of Stuff: Does anyone know why the needles in these guns are so huge?

Drew: Because these tranquilizer guns were meant to knock elephants unconscious for a few hours.

Ben4808: But noobs are much smaller than elephants.

Student of Trinity: Duh. We're trying to kill them, not knock them unconscious for a few hours.

Hawk King: Is it true that Navy SEALS will be helping to defend this forum?

Icshi walks by to inspect everyone and overhears the question.

Icshi: And ferrets. But if worst comes to worst, trust your implants.

The members who do not belong in the cult are grouped behind the cult. They are all armed with sticks. Alorael enters with his sniper rifle, extra ammunition, and an even larger sack of skribbane potions.

Drakefyre: You're late!

Alorael: It's never too late for sniping!

Alorael climbs onto another rock. GoldenKing sneaks after him. While Alorael views the forum in front of him, GoldenKing steals five skribbane potions.

Drakefyre: The noobs should start arriving any second now.

Icshi: Spread out, cult members! The first noobs are here!

Several dozen noobs enter the forum. They are quickly slain by the tranquilizers. Alorael turns to yell at the cult members.

Alorael: Boo! I only killed four of them! Your needles are no fun!

Several dozen more noobs enter the forum. Then several dozen more. This repeats itself several dozen times. Then it repeats several dozen more times. Anyway, the forum is soon full of noobs. But the cult members are easily taking down the noobs. In fact, the non-cult members haven’t even had to raise their sticks yet.

Wise Man: Hey, that noob looks different. What does it have on its shoulder?

Student of Trinity: It looks like a chip to me. Oh well. Shoot it.

Wise Man shoots the noob with the chip on its shoulder. The noob explodes, killing several noobs around it.

Spring: It looks like that was a flamer. We definitely want to kill them from a distance.

Student of Trinity: Look! There's lots of them!

Alorael downs another skribbane potion and shoots a flamer, which explodes.

Alorael: Heehee! Eight noobs with one bullet.

GoldenKing: Heehee! Eight skribbane potions in one go.

GoldenKing runs off with the stolen skribbane. He slings a lump of chocolate at a flamer but the explosion only kills three noobs.

Ben4048: Icshi! There's too many of them! The flamers will soon be close enough to hit us!

Icshi: Send in the ferrets!

Suddenly, ferrets parachute from the sky. They quickly swarm the noobs, biting their ankles until the noobs are driven back. But the ferrets are being killed off quickly.

Hawk King: The ferrets won’t last long, Icshi. What else do you have planned?

Spring: That's on a need-to-know only basis, Hawk.

Hawk King: Yeah, well, I think we need to know. There's a group of 1337 h4x0rs headed straight for us.

Icshi: Send in the navy seals!

Swarms of dark blue leopard seals flop into the melee. They bite the noobs’ ankles, only much more effectively than the ferrets did. Plus, their bulk makes them much hardier and difficult to kick off.

Student of Trinity: And here I thought we were going to be getting help from Navy SEALS.

The battle rages on. Alorael, GoldenKing, and the cult members are shooting the flamers, leaving the noobs and 1337 h4x0rs to the ferrets and seals. But the cult members are running low on tranquilizing needles and the various types of noobs are gaining ground. The non-cult members are starting to look worried, not having the cult's faith in retroactivity.