Scene 4: Nethergate Forum
Scene 4: Nethergate Forum
The Spiderwebbers are rapidly being pushed back. The newb army is largely depleted and floundering without an official leader. Panic is setting in as the report of Ash Lael's death spreads. About the only people uneffected by the news are GoldenKing and Jewels.
Jewels: Last one, Goldie.
GoldenKing and Jewels open the last bottle of skribbane and beer respectively and chug it down. Lazarus and Thralni see the contest as they fight of 1337 h4x0rs.
Lazarus: Look at that! Drinking games are so wrong, especially on a battlefield.
Thralni: I would have thought that you would enjoy a good drinking game now and then.
Lazarus stabs a 1337 h4x0r in the neck.
Lazarus: No! Of course not! I only enjoy death and innuendo. And it has to be high quality innuendo at that.
Thralni edges away from Lazarus quickly.
Thralni: You stay well away from me!
Lazarus: Urg!
Lazarus is killed by a 1337 h4x0r. Thralni kills the 1337 h4x0r. Lazarus stands up shakily.
Lazarus: I'm okay. Really, I am. It's a pity I can only do that trick once per day.
Thralni: That's just really weird. Really, really weird.
Lazarus: Yeah, I know. Look! There's Infernal666hate. She looks mad.
Thralni: She sure does. But it's not safe to fight alone in the middle of the battlefield. Look what happened to Ash Lael.
Thralni and Lazarus fight their way over to Infernal666hate.
Jewels: Well, I'm all out of beer, GoldenKing.
GoldenKing: Meetoo... but... I... can... git... mor... Jwuels.
GoldenKing gets up and staggers off. Jewels stands up.
Jewels: I'm going to have such a bad hangover in the morning. Maybe Ephesos has something that will help stave it off.
Jewels exits. GoldenKing sneaks up behind Alorael, grabs the bag of skribbane potions, and starts to run off with the bag dragging on the ground. Suddenly, the bag catches on something. GoldenKing turns around and sees a very angry Alorael, who has his foot on the bag to prevent GoldenKing from dragging it off.
Alorael: So you're the one who's been stealing my skribbane!
GoldenKing gulps and drops the bag.
GoldenKing: Uh... bye!
GoldenKing runs off. Alorael pursues him.
Alorael: Oh no you don't! I'll teach you to steal my skribbane!
Drakefyre: Schrodinger! We're being overwhelmed. Call the retreat now!
Schrodinger: Retreat! Retreat!
The Spiderwebbers begin to retreat to the Blades of Exile Forum. Only three people don't. Lord Grimm enters the forum and immediately finds a good hiding spot. GoldenKing is still racing around but Alorael is quickly catching up.
Schrodinger: Retreat! To the Blades of Exile Forum!
Alorael hits GoldenKing over the head with the butt of his rifle. GoldenKing falls to the ground and covers his head as best he can. Alorael starts beating GoldenKing with his rifle.
GoldenKing: GIFTS! GIFTS! GIFTS! No more, Alorael! No more! Please stop! GIFTS! GIFTS!
Alorael: You... stole... my... skribbane! No... one... should... ever... steal... my... skribbane!
Alorael hits GoldenKing with the rifle for each word. The last Spiderwebbers make it out of the Nethergate Forum. Schrodinger closes the forum.
Alorael: It's my skribbane! My skribbane! No one can take it from me! No one! Take that and that and that!
GoldenKing: Ow! Ow! Ow! Alorael, you're hurting me! Stop! GIFTS! GIFTS! Stop! Stop!
Alorael: I don't share my skribbane!
GoldenKing: Okay! Okay! I won't ever take any of your skribbane again!
Alorael: I'll say you won't!
Alorael turns the rifle around and shoots GoldenKing. GoldenKing dies.
Alorael: Now to go retrieve my wonderful skribbane.
Alorael returns to the spot where he left the skribbane potions.
Alorael: Where did that bag go? This is the right spot.
Alorael climbs onto a rock and scans the forum. He sees a noob running off with the skribbane potion bag.
Alorael: Why, that little... I'm going to teach it a lesson!
Alorael shoots at the noob, but the noob is out of range. In a rage, Alorael shoots every other noob in range.
Alorael: They must all die!
It takes a long time, but eventually the noobs realize that they should avoid being in range of Alorael.
Alorael: They do learn! I never would have guessed. I'm starting to feel the need for more skribbane. I must go back to get some. Say, where is everyone?
Alorael looks around again.
Alorael: They're all gone. The forum must have been closed! Well, I'll just use my special mod powers to open the forum and make a quick escape. Wait... I'm not a moderator of the Nethergate Forum. I'll have to try to make a slow escape then.
Alorael suddenly sways and falls over. He quickly snatches up the rifle that he dropped.
Alorael: Skribbane! I need my skribbane!
After several failed attempts to stand up, Alorael holds his rifle like a teddy bear and begins speaking to it.
Alorael: You know, I never thought I'd die in the middle of nowhere surrounded by noobs without even skribbane for comfort. I aways thought I'd die in front of a firing squad. At least I still have you for comfort, trusty rifle. Skribbane! I need skribbane!
At the other end of the forum, the captains of the noob army discuss strategy.
31337 h4x0r: Soon, they'll run out of little tricks to try and stop us. By that time, they'll be tired and low on supplies. We, on the other hand, have noobs that haven't seen battle yet.
Troll Master: The flamers will lead the charge in the next forum, though. I have a meeting with one Terror's Martyr.
31337 h4x0r: The attack of the next forum is up to you. Now go lead it!
Troll Master: Come on, flamers! It's time for a flamefest!
Flamer: w00t!
Flamer: lol
The Troll Master and the flamers run off towards the Blades of Exile Forum. The noob carrying Alorael's skribbane runs up.
Noob: i stoled this
Spawner: Excellent job! What's in it?
31337 h4x0r reaches into the sack and pulls out a bottle.
31337 h4x0r: I wonder what it is?
Spawner: I wouldn't drink it if I were you.
31337 h4x0r: Nonsense. How bad can it be?
31337 h4x0r drinks the skribbane potion.
31337 h4x0r: It's disgusting and nasty stuff, just like myself. I like it.
31337 h4x0r drinks another bottle.
Spawner: Where did this come from, anyway?
The noob points towards the rock where Alorael is sitting. None of the noobs have figured out that Alorael is incapable of shooting them, so they are still avoiding the rock.
Spawner: I see someone. It's the one who's been shooting the noobs with his sniper rifle the whole time.
31337 h4x0r: Sniper rifle? That would be so much cooler than throwing axes.
Spawner and 31337 h4x0r march off to the rock. Alorael doesn't notice their arrival because his eyes are closed and he is still talking to himself.
Alorael: Skribbane... skriiibbaaane... skriiiiiibaaaaaane...
31337 h4x0r: Is this want you want?
31337 h4x0r holds a bottle out. Alorael's eyes snap open.
Alorael: What? Yes! Skribbane! Skribbane! Give me skribbane!
31337 h4x0r: Give me your gun and I'll give you this whole bag of skribbane.
Alorael hesitates for a long time before finally handing the gun over. 31337 h4x0r takes it and ponders the bottle in its hand for a moment.
Alorael: Give me my skribbane!
31337 h4x0r starts to hand the skribbane potion to Alorael. Alorael reaches for it feebly, but 31337 h4x0r pulls it back and drinks it.
Alorael: Nooooooooo!
Suddenly, Alorael falls off the rock and lands face-down in the mud at 31337 h4x0r's feet. The 31337 h4x0r instinctively points the rifle at Alorael and then pauses.
31337 h4x0r: I don't have to shoot him, do I?
Spawner: Nope. He's dead.
Spawner and 31337 h4x0r begin to sing and dance around.
Spawner and 31337 h4x0r: We killed a mod, we killed a mod, we killed a mod...
Jewels: Last one, Goldie.
GoldenKing and Jewels open the last bottle of skribbane and beer respectively and chug it down. Lazarus and Thralni see the contest as they fight of 1337 h4x0rs.
Lazarus: Look at that! Drinking games are so wrong, especially on a battlefield.
Thralni: I would have thought that you would enjoy a good drinking game now and then.
Lazarus stabs a 1337 h4x0r in the neck.
Lazarus: No! Of course not! I only enjoy death and innuendo. And it has to be high quality innuendo at that.
Thralni edges away from Lazarus quickly.
Thralni: You stay well away from me!
Lazarus: Urg!
Lazarus is killed by a 1337 h4x0r. Thralni kills the 1337 h4x0r. Lazarus stands up shakily.
Lazarus: I'm okay. Really, I am. It's a pity I can only do that trick once per day.
Thralni: That's just really weird. Really, really weird.
Lazarus: Yeah, I know. Look! There's Infernal666hate. She looks mad.
Thralni: She sure does. But it's not safe to fight alone in the middle of the battlefield. Look what happened to Ash Lael.
Thralni and Lazarus fight their way over to Infernal666hate.
Jewels: Well, I'm all out of beer, GoldenKing.
GoldenKing: Meetoo... but... I... can... git... mor... Jwuels.
GoldenKing gets up and staggers off. Jewels stands up.
Jewels: I'm going to have such a bad hangover in the morning. Maybe Ephesos has something that will help stave it off.
Jewels exits. GoldenKing sneaks up behind Alorael, grabs the bag of skribbane potions, and starts to run off with the bag dragging on the ground. Suddenly, the bag catches on something. GoldenKing turns around and sees a very angry Alorael, who has his foot on the bag to prevent GoldenKing from dragging it off.
Alorael: So you're the one who's been stealing my skribbane!
GoldenKing gulps and drops the bag.
GoldenKing: Uh... bye!
GoldenKing runs off. Alorael pursues him.
Alorael: Oh no you don't! I'll teach you to steal my skribbane!
Drakefyre: Schrodinger! We're being overwhelmed. Call the retreat now!
Schrodinger: Retreat! Retreat!
The Spiderwebbers begin to retreat to the Blades of Exile Forum. Only three people don't. Lord Grimm enters the forum and immediately finds a good hiding spot. GoldenKing is still racing around but Alorael is quickly catching up.
Schrodinger: Retreat! To the Blades of Exile Forum!
Alorael hits GoldenKing over the head with the butt of his rifle. GoldenKing falls to the ground and covers his head as best he can. Alorael starts beating GoldenKing with his rifle.
GoldenKing: GIFTS! GIFTS! GIFTS! No more, Alorael! No more! Please stop! GIFTS! GIFTS!
Alorael: You... stole... my... skribbane! No... one... should... ever... steal... my... skribbane!
Alorael hits GoldenKing with the rifle for each word. The last Spiderwebbers make it out of the Nethergate Forum. Schrodinger closes the forum.
Alorael: It's my skribbane! My skribbane! No one can take it from me! No one! Take that and that and that!
GoldenKing: Ow! Ow! Ow! Alorael, you're hurting me! Stop! GIFTS! GIFTS! Stop! Stop!
Alorael: I don't share my skribbane!
GoldenKing: Okay! Okay! I won't ever take any of your skribbane again!
Alorael: I'll say you won't!
Alorael turns the rifle around and shoots GoldenKing. GoldenKing dies.
Alorael: Now to go retrieve my wonderful skribbane.
Alorael returns to the spot where he left the skribbane potions.
Alorael: Where did that bag go? This is the right spot.
Alorael climbs onto a rock and scans the forum. He sees a noob running off with the skribbane potion bag.
Alorael: Why, that little... I'm going to teach it a lesson!
Alorael shoots at the noob, but the noob is out of range. In a rage, Alorael shoots every other noob in range.
Alorael: They must all die!
It takes a long time, but eventually the noobs realize that they should avoid being in range of Alorael.
Alorael: They do learn! I never would have guessed. I'm starting to feel the need for more skribbane. I must go back to get some. Say, where is everyone?
Alorael looks around again.
Alorael: They're all gone. The forum must have been closed! Well, I'll just use my special mod powers to open the forum and make a quick escape. Wait... I'm not a moderator of the Nethergate Forum. I'll have to try to make a slow escape then.
Alorael suddenly sways and falls over. He quickly snatches up the rifle that he dropped.
Alorael: Skribbane! I need my skribbane!
After several failed attempts to stand up, Alorael holds his rifle like a teddy bear and begins speaking to it.
Alorael: You know, I never thought I'd die in the middle of nowhere surrounded by noobs without even skribbane for comfort. I aways thought I'd die in front of a firing squad. At least I still have you for comfort, trusty rifle. Skribbane! I need skribbane!
At the other end of the forum, the captains of the noob army discuss strategy.
31337 h4x0r: Soon, they'll run out of little tricks to try and stop us. By that time, they'll be tired and low on supplies. We, on the other hand, have noobs that haven't seen battle yet.
Troll Master: The flamers will lead the charge in the next forum, though. I have a meeting with one Terror's Martyr.
31337 h4x0r: The attack of the next forum is up to you. Now go lead it!
Troll Master: Come on, flamers! It's time for a flamefest!
Flamer: w00t!
Flamer: lol
The Troll Master and the flamers run off towards the Blades of Exile Forum. The noob carrying Alorael's skribbane runs up.
Noob: i stoled this
Spawner: Excellent job! What's in it?
31337 h4x0r reaches into the sack and pulls out a bottle.
31337 h4x0r: I wonder what it is?
Spawner: I wouldn't drink it if I were you.
31337 h4x0r: Nonsense. How bad can it be?
31337 h4x0r drinks the skribbane potion.
31337 h4x0r: It's disgusting and nasty stuff, just like myself. I like it.
31337 h4x0r drinks another bottle.
Spawner: Where did this come from, anyway?
The noob points towards the rock where Alorael is sitting. None of the noobs have figured out that Alorael is incapable of shooting them, so they are still avoiding the rock.
Spawner: I see someone. It's the one who's been shooting the noobs with his sniper rifle the whole time.
31337 h4x0r: Sniper rifle? That would be so much cooler than throwing axes.
Spawner and 31337 h4x0r march off to the rock. Alorael doesn't notice their arrival because his eyes are closed and he is still talking to himself.
Alorael: Skribbane... skriiibbaaane... skriiiiiibaaaaaane...
31337 h4x0r: Is this want you want?
31337 h4x0r holds a bottle out. Alorael's eyes snap open.
Alorael: What? Yes! Skribbane! Skribbane! Give me skribbane!
31337 h4x0r: Give me your gun and I'll give you this whole bag of skribbane.
Alorael hesitates for a long time before finally handing the gun over. 31337 h4x0r takes it and ponders the bottle in its hand for a moment.
Alorael: Give me my skribbane!
31337 h4x0r starts to hand the skribbane potion to Alorael. Alorael reaches for it feebly, but 31337 h4x0r pulls it back and drinks it.
Alorael: Nooooooooo!
Suddenly, Alorael falls off the rock and lands face-down in the mud at 31337 h4x0r's feet. The 31337 h4x0r instinctively points the rifle at Alorael and then pauses.
31337 h4x0r: I don't have to shoot him, do I?
Spawner: Nope. He's dead.
Spawner and 31337 h4x0r begin to sing and dance around.
Spawner and 31337 h4x0r: We killed a mod, we killed a mod, we killed a mod...