Scene 2: Avernum Trilogy Forum
Scene 2: Avernum Trilogy Forum
Slartucker is the first to enter the Avernum Trilogy Forum. He runs across a short plain and then up a long slope. At the top of the slope, Dintiradan leans on a fine waveblade. Slartucker collapses at the top of the hill.
Slartucker: I can't take any more deaths of innocent Spiderwebbers!
Most of the surviving Spiderwebbers enter the forum. They, too, climb up the hill.
Dintiradan: I found some more archery equipment. Nothing left but stone arrows, but it'll have to do.
Ephesos pauses and sets Sir David on the ground. Sir David manages to sit up and drink another healing elixir unassisted. He staggers to his feet.
Sir David: I'll be all right now.
Sir David picks up a stone dagger and a wooden buckler and walks away.
Ephesos: I thought I told you to stay in the Tech Support Forum, Dintiradan.
Dintiradan: I am not your assistant. I am the Lord of the Lurkers.
Dikiyoba approaches and sets the Almighty Do-er of Stuff down. Ephesos casts a powerful healing spell on him. The Almighty Do-er of Stuff also gets up and goes off to arm himself.
Slartucker: The noobs will be here soon. I wonder what new tricks the ur-noob has for us this time.
Dintiradan: Slartucker's feeling a little depressed.
Slartucker: A little! It's more than that! Here we are, getting killed in a senseless war! There used to be hundreds of newbs and now there are less than a dozen. The lurkers are about to get killed too! And I've had to watch Tyranicus and Ben4808 and Jewels die in front of me! I can't take it anymore!
Ephesos: Now that Dintiradan has found something else to do, I need another assistant. Would you feel better if you were helping keep Spiderwebbers alive?
Slartucker: It's something, at least. I suppose so.
Ephesos: Good. Dikiyoba will teach you what to do. I'm going to go check on my last remaining patients in the Tech Support Forum.
Ephesos exits. Kelandon, Saunders, Schrodinger, Khoth, and *i are talking.
*i: We could set up some good defenses with the scripting abilities of the Blades of Avernum Forum.
Kelandon: True, but we need a long time to create them.
Schrodinger: Then start working now. Saunders and I will be in charge of this forum. And Drakefyre will show up soon.
Kelandon: We should take other scripters with us.
Nikki: Do you think I should go?
*i: All right, we'll start rounding up people. How about Smoo?
Khoth: And Archmagus Micael and Niemand.
Nikki: What about me? Am I good enough?
Kelandon: Why don't we take Nikki as well?
Nikki: Really? Great!
Kelandon, *i, Khoth, Smoo, Archmagus Micael, Niemand, and Nikki exit. Ephesos enters with a few more newbs. Drakefyre enters from the other end with the last Spiderwebbers. They are followed closely by 1337 h4x0rs. Slartucker watches anxiously.
Slartucker: The 1337 h3x0rs are awfully close.
Kingy lets the arrow slack off his bow.
Kingy: I can't get a clear shot at the h4x0rs. I might hit a member.
One of the 1337 h4x0rs trips Dallerdin. From out of the depressions in the plain, the lurkers rise up and attack the 1337 h4x0rs. Many of the 1337 h4x0rs are slain. The rest flee back to the Exile Trilogy Forum. The lurkers hide in the shallow holes again. Drakefyre and the others reach the top of the hill safely. Just as they do, a whole horde of blue-painted undead enter the forum and charge. The lurkers rush out of their hiding spots and attack while the Spiderwebbers fire arrows at them. Ephesos runs to the edge of the hill in a rage.
Ephesos: Undead! Undead! Why, I ought to...
Slartucker and Dikiyoba pull Ephesos away from the edge of the hill.
Slartucker: Calm down, Ephesos.
Dikiyoba: Yes. Dikiyoba thinks there are more effective ways to kill the undead.
Ephesos: Of course there are. I just...well, you know how much I hate undead. Dikiyoba, you go gather all the potions left in the Tech Support Forum.
Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba will do that, Ephesos.
Dikiyoba exits. Ephesos drinks an energy elixir and casts repel spirit. Eight undead vanish. Ephesos casts repel spirit again. A short distance away, Randomizer is killing undead with bolts of fire and acid spray. The battle rages fiercely for a while. All too soon, the Spiderwebbers run low on arrows again.
Student of Trinity: Time to break out the rocks again!
The Spiderwebbers hurl rocks at the undead. Unfortunately, the rocks are not nearly so effective against the undead as they were against the flamers. The lurkers are slowly getting killed off and the undead are slowly advancing. They reach the bottom of the hill and begin climbing up.
Drakefyre: Charge!
The Spiderwebbers grab their melee weapons and charge down the hill. Enraged Slith hacks his way into the undead with his two-tined spear. Infernal666hate is causing devastation with Demonslayer. Happa Tai Yatti now only carries one halberd but somehow he also manages to carry a shield at the same time. Dintiradan stands at the top of the hill and yells at the lurkers. Ephesos is still casting repel spirit for all that he is worth. Slartucker runs down the hill and comes back with an injured lurker.
Slartucker: I need your help to heal this lurker, Ephesos.
Ephesos: I'm busy! If he's injured, give him a healing potion. If he's really injured, give him a healing elixir. If he's really, really injured, force a graymold salve down his throat.
Slartucker helps the lurker to drink a healing potion. Dikiyoba enters from the Tech Support Forum with more potions. Arancaytar picks up a bow and a handful of arrows that someone dropped. Down on the plains, Thralni and Rent-an-Ihrno are fighting side-by-side.
Rent-an-Ihrno: You seem distracted, Thralni.
Thralni: I'm just thinking about the nephilim language.
Rent-an-Ihrno: Thinking up a better name for it?
Thralni: No, I'm... hey! I've got it!
Rent-an-Ihrno: Got what?
Thralni: Breln. It's nephilian for noob. Now I can yell "Death to noobs" in nephilian.
Thralni takes a deep breath. But before he can say anything, another throwing axe comes flying out from nowhere and strikes him. He falls to the ground.
Thralni: May the chicken gods curse and strike down every last breln!
Thralni dies. At the top of the hill, Arancaytar aims in the direction that the axe came from and fires. h4xx dies. The axe it was about to throw flies straight up into the air. When it comes down, it kills one of the undead. At the back of the noob army, Spawner growls.
Spawner: Grr! Pyroroamer, bring me the crossbow and bolts we found earlier.
Pyroroamer brings Spawner the crossbow and bolts.
Pyroroamer: But he's out of range. You can't hit him.
Spawner takes the crossbow and bolts.
Spawner: I know. But he can't hit me either.
Spawner loads the crossbow and takes careful aim. MagmaDragoon is hit.
MagmaDragoon: I was the only Italian on these forums. Alas, now there are none.
MagmaDragoon dies. Dareva ducks the next bolt. Student of Trinity ducks a third.
Student of Trinity: I summon the bright, colorful trinity of a color ink cartridge to protect us!
Before anything is summoned, however, Spawner's fourth bolt hits Student of Trinity. Slartucker rushes over, ducking a fifth bolt as he does so. He picks Student of Trinity up and starts carrying toward the hill.
Student of Trinity: Have you thought about what happens to us when we die?
Slartucker: Not anymore than I have to.
Student of Trinity: That's what I did, too. But now I really wish I had specified which trinity. Oh well. Kill some more noobs for me.
Student of Trinity dies. Slartucker stands stunned until the cry of an injured lurker forces him to return to the battle. In the middle of the battlefield, Drakefyre is having difficulties. The undead have surrounded him and he is forced to move farther and farther away from the rest of the army. Pyroroamer and Spawner watch in amusement. Spawner lifts up its crossbow.
Spawner: We have him now!
Pyroroamer: Yes. The Spiderwebbers will be helpless without an administrator to lead them.
Drakefyre casts arcane blow on a group of undead. Spawner fires its next bolt. The bolt buries itself into Drakefyre. Drakefyre pulls it out contemptuously.
Drakefyre: It'll take more than one little arrow to stop me!
Drakefyre teleports to right behind Spawner and Pyroroamer. The two of them instantly flee into the Exile Trilogy Forum. Drakefyre casts a few rounds of arcane blow on the stunned 1337 h4x0r guards and steps into the Exile Trilogy Forum after Spawner and Pyroroamer.
Slartucker: I can't take any more deaths of innocent Spiderwebbers!
Most of the surviving Spiderwebbers enter the forum. They, too, climb up the hill.
Dintiradan: I found some more archery equipment. Nothing left but stone arrows, but it'll have to do.
Ephesos pauses and sets Sir David on the ground. Sir David manages to sit up and drink another healing elixir unassisted. He staggers to his feet.
Sir David: I'll be all right now.
Sir David picks up a stone dagger and a wooden buckler and walks away.
Ephesos: I thought I told you to stay in the Tech Support Forum, Dintiradan.
Dintiradan: I am not your assistant. I am the Lord of the Lurkers.
Dikiyoba approaches and sets the Almighty Do-er of Stuff down. Ephesos casts a powerful healing spell on him. The Almighty Do-er of Stuff also gets up and goes off to arm himself.
Slartucker: The noobs will be here soon. I wonder what new tricks the ur-noob has for us this time.
Dintiradan: Slartucker's feeling a little depressed.
Slartucker: A little! It's more than that! Here we are, getting killed in a senseless war! There used to be hundreds of newbs and now there are less than a dozen. The lurkers are about to get killed too! And I've had to watch Tyranicus and Ben4808 and Jewels die in front of me! I can't take it anymore!
Ephesos: Now that Dintiradan has found something else to do, I need another assistant. Would you feel better if you were helping keep Spiderwebbers alive?
Slartucker: It's something, at least. I suppose so.
Ephesos: Good. Dikiyoba will teach you what to do. I'm going to go check on my last remaining patients in the Tech Support Forum.
Ephesos exits. Kelandon, Saunders, Schrodinger, Khoth, and *i are talking.
*i: We could set up some good defenses with the scripting abilities of the Blades of Avernum Forum.
Kelandon: True, but we need a long time to create them.
Schrodinger: Then start working now. Saunders and I will be in charge of this forum. And Drakefyre will show up soon.
Kelandon: We should take other scripters with us.
Nikki: Do you think I should go?
*i: All right, we'll start rounding up people. How about Smoo?
Khoth: And Archmagus Micael and Niemand.
Nikki: What about me? Am I good enough?
Kelandon: Why don't we take Nikki as well?
Nikki: Really? Great!
Kelandon, *i, Khoth, Smoo, Archmagus Micael, Niemand, and Nikki exit. Ephesos enters with a few more newbs. Drakefyre enters from the other end with the last Spiderwebbers. They are followed closely by 1337 h4x0rs. Slartucker watches anxiously.
Slartucker: The 1337 h3x0rs are awfully close.
Kingy lets the arrow slack off his bow.
Kingy: I can't get a clear shot at the h4x0rs. I might hit a member.
One of the 1337 h4x0rs trips Dallerdin. From out of the depressions in the plain, the lurkers rise up and attack the 1337 h4x0rs. Many of the 1337 h4x0rs are slain. The rest flee back to the Exile Trilogy Forum. The lurkers hide in the shallow holes again. Drakefyre and the others reach the top of the hill safely. Just as they do, a whole horde of blue-painted undead enter the forum and charge. The lurkers rush out of their hiding spots and attack while the Spiderwebbers fire arrows at them. Ephesos runs to the edge of the hill in a rage.
Ephesos: Undead! Undead! Why, I ought to...
Slartucker and Dikiyoba pull Ephesos away from the edge of the hill.
Slartucker: Calm down, Ephesos.
Dikiyoba: Yes. Dikiyoba thinks there are more effective ways to kill the undead.
Ephesos: Of course there are. I just...well, you know how much I hate undead. Dikiyoba, you go gather all the potions left in the Tech Support Forum.
Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba will do that, Ephesos.
Dikiyoba exits. Ephesos drinks an energy elixir and casts repel spirit. Eight undead vanish. Ephesos casts repel spirit again. A short distance away, Randomizer is killing undead with bolts of fire and acid spray. The battle rages fiercely for a while. All too soon, the Spiderwebbers run low on arrows again.
Student of Trinity: Time to break out the rocks again!
The Spiderwebbers hurl rocks at the undead. Unfortunately, the rocks are not nearly so effective against the undead as they were against the flamers. The lurkers are slowly getting killed off and the undead are slowly advancing. They reach the bottom of the hill and begin climbing up.
Drakefyre: Charge!
The Spiderwebbers grab their melee weapons and charge down the hill. Enraged Slith hacks his way into the undead with his two-tined spear. Infernal666hate is causing devastation with Demonslayer. Happa Tai Yatti now only carries one halberd but somehow he also manages to carry a shield at the same time. Dintiradan stands at the top of the hill and yells at the lurkers. Ephesos is still casting repel spirit for all that he is worth. Slartucker runs down the hill and comes back with an injured lurker.
Slartucker: I need your help to heal this lurker, Ephesos.
Ephesos: I'm busy! If he's injured, give him a healing potion. If he's really injured, give him a healing elixir. If he's really, really injured, force a graymold salve down his throat.
Slartucker helps the lurker to drink a healing potion. Dikiyoba enters from the Tech Support Forum with more potions. Arancaytar picks up a bow and a handful of arrows that someone dropped. Down on the plains, Thralni and Rent-an-Ihrno are fighting side-by-side.
Rent-an-Ihrno: You seem distracted, Thralni.
Thralni: I'm just thinking about the nephilim language.
Rent-an-Ihrno: Thinking up a better name for it?
Thralni: No, I'm... hey! I've got it!
Rent-an-Ihrno: Got what?
Thralni: Breln. It's nephilian for noob. Now I can yell "Death to noobs" in nephilian.
Thralni takes a deep breath. But before he can say anything, another throwing axe comes flying out from nowhere and strikes him. He falls to the ground.
Thralni: May the chicken gods curse and strike down every last breln!
Thralni dies. At the top of the hill, Arancaytar aims in the direction that the axe came from and fires. h4xx dies. The axe it was about to throw flies straight up into the air. When it comes down, it kills one of the undead. At the back of the noob army, Spawner growls.
Spawner: Grr! Pyroroamer, bring me the crossbow and bolts we found earlier.
Pyroroamer brings Spawner the crossbow and bolts.
Pyroroamer: But he's out of range. You can't hit him.
Spawner takes the crossbow and bolts.
Spawner: I know. But he can't hit me either.
Spawner loads the crossbow and takes careful aim. MagmaDragoon is hit.
MagmaDragoon: I was the only Italian on these forums. Alas, now there are none.
MagmaDragoon dies. Dareva ducks the next bolt. Student of Trinity ducks a third.
Student of Trinity: I summon the bright, colorful trinity of a color ink cartridge to protect us!
Before anything is summoned, however, Spawner's fourth bolt hits Student of Trinity. Slartucker rushes over, ducking a fifth bolt as he does so. He picks Student of Trinity up and starts carrying toward the hill.
Student of Trinity: Have you thought about what happens to us when we die?
Slartucker: Not anymore than I have to.
Student of Trinity: That's what I did, too. But now I really wish I had specified which trinity. Oh well. Kill some more noobs for me.
Student of Trinity dies. Slartucker stands stunned until the cry of an injured lurker forces him to return to the battle. In the middle of the battlefield, Drakefyre is having difficulties. The undead have surrounded him and he is forced to move farther and farther away from the rest of the army. Pyroroamer and Spawner watch in amusement. Spawner lifts up its crossbow.
Spawner: We have him now!
Pyroroamer: Yes. The Spiderwebbers will be helpless without an administrator to lead them.
Drakefyre casts arcane blow on a group of undead. Spawner fires its next bolt. The bolt buries itself into Drakefyre. Drakefyre pulls it out contemptuously.
Drakefyre: It'll take more than one little arrow to stop me!
Drakefyre teleports to right behind Spawner and Pyroroamer. The two of them instantly flee into the Exile Trilogy Forum. Drakefyre casts a few rounds of arcane blow on the stunned 1337 h4x0r guards and steps into the Exile Trilogy Forum after Spawner and Pyroroamer.