Scene 5: General Forum

Several days have passed since the thing had been banished from the message board. Everything is returning to normal. The rip in the SubTerra Forum has been patched. All the forums have been cleaned up. The deth ray and the antimatter machine have been taken apart and stored, in case they are ever needed again. A new Moderator Board is under construction. Everyone who had been attacked by the thing is recovering their regular speech, thanks to intense spelling and grammar classes led by Drakefyre and Kelandon. Spring, Ephesos, Kingy, Toenail, and Meeshka are standing around talking. Zeviz, Stew Boy, Dikiyoba, and Randomizer join them.

Spring: So, how are the classes going?

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba can speak normally again!

Stew Boy: I'm improving a lot. Occasionally, I slip up, but overall im... oops... I'm a lot better.

Major: I still ghave a longh way to gho. I'll ghet tghere eventually, tghoughgh.

Randomizer: I still throw in vertigo random words here and sill there. I kind of like mnemonic it, while it lasts.

Zeviz: I'm almost completely back to normal.

Spring: Do you think either one of you could summon the elements needed to revive Thuryl, Lazarus, and Zephyr Tempest?

Ephesos: Can't we just let Zephyr Tempest remain dead?

Randomizer: No, I'd probably zoom throw in a random word and feather end up summoning a toaster or something jump.

Kingy: But it would be really cool if you ended up summoning cases of beer.

Ephesos: As long as it's not another demon.

Meeshka: What about you, Zeviz?

Zeviz: Perhapz, if I were very careful.

Toenail: What about Archmagus Micael?

Stew Boy: No, he still has some prolbems with capitalization. Er, problems.

Archmagus Micael is walking by and happens to overhear Stew Boy.

Archmagus Micael: i do not, stew boy!

Dikiyoba: Dikiyoba thinks that Drakefyre could do it.

Spring: Yes, but he's been so busy lately between the classes and trying to get everything organized that he hasn't had the time.

Lord Grimm and the Silent Assassin join the group.

Meeshka: How are you two doing?

Lord Grimm: Oh, I can speak again.

Lord Grimm pauses for a moment and watches the Silent Assassin.

Lord Grimm: The Silent Assassin wants you to know that he is doing fine as well, and would be more than happy to take any lawn chemicals that you possess.

Stew Boy: Why?

Lord Grimm: It's probably better if you don't know. I certainly don't want to.

Meanwhile, across the forum, Archmage Alex, Ben4808, Infernal666hate, Nikki, Nicothodes, Fatman, Niemand, Smoo, and Student of Trinity are talking.

Student of Trinity: How is everyone today?

Nicothodes: Anything but cute!

Ben4808: Much better.

Infernal666hate: Back to normal.

Fatman: Good enough, I suppose.

Archmage Alex: Cease your prattling, philistines! I'm contemplating my next great masterpiece!

Nikki: What was the question?

Smoo: Nikki still can't remember anything that happened more than ten seconds ago, and no one knows how to improve the situation.

Niemand: I think we could give Nikki his own custom script and set memory cells to...

Niemand is cut off as Lord Llama and Bomber walk by, talking loudly.

Lord Llama: ...adn it was lik so fun and...

Student of Trinity shakes his head.

Student of Trinity: Some people just never learn.

Jumpin' Salmon and Wise Man are following Bomber and Lord Llama from the ledge at the top of the forum. They are carrying a fishing net between them. Bomber and Lord Llama stop. Jumpin' Salmon and Wise Man halt as well and stretch the net out.

Wise Man: Ready?

Jumpin' Salmon checks to make sure that the net is right over Bomber and Lord Llama.

Jumpin' Salmon: Ready. Let it go.

The net falls and completely ensnares Bomber and Lord Llama. The more they struggle, the worse they get tangled. Jumpin' Salmon and Wise Man climb down and start to drag Bomber and Lord Llama away.

Jumpin' Salmon: You're going to learn how to speak properly from Drakefyre and Kelandon. And I hope you don't like it, because I could use a good laugh at your expense.

Thralni and Snafta walk by.

Snafta: I don't think praying to the chicken gods will fix your spelling and grammar, Thralni.

Thralni: preying 2 teh almity chikn gods werkd b4 2 reviv us so y woldnt it werk now

Snafta: Because you keep calling them "almity chikn gods"?

Thralni: nonsence watch tihs o almity chikn gods ples fix mi speling adn gramer

Drakefyre: Thralni! Get over here! The next class is about to start!

Thralni: c?

Snafta: Yes, but you could have gone to one of those classes at anytime.

Thralni: no it was a sign from teh almity chikn gods

Dintiradan, the Lurker, and Wanderer are sitting at a table. Dintiradan looks glum.

Dintiradan: I can't believe another one of my brilliant ideas failed. I don't get it. I'm following the Evil Overlord guidebook exactly, and I still haven't taken over the boards.

The Lurker: Cheer up. Your deth ray played a major part in taking out the ur-noob, so you got your revenge. You'll get another brilliant idea for taking over the boards soon enough. And then, of course, someone will bungle their part of the plan somehow and it will fail miserably.

Dintiradan: (Sarcastically.) Thanks, Lurker. That last bit makes me feel a lot better.

The Lurker: You're welcome.

Wanderer: You know, telling people what is in the Evil Overlord guidebook probably doesn't make your job any easier.

Dintiradan: Perhaps you're right.

There is a brief silence.

The Lurker: I like Homeland.

Dintiradan: That's it! Just think of all the evil I could cause by including Homeland in my next scheme Lurker, you're a genius! Well, actually, you're not. You're still an incompetent fool. You're just a slightly less incompetent fool.

The Lurker: Really? Thanks.

MagmaDragoon picks up a karma thread.

MagmaDragoon: I have a few questions about karma...

Imban: Hey! MagmaDragoon! Get away from that karma thread! >:(

MagmaDragoon: But... but why?

Terror's Martyr: Quit asking [censored] stupid questions, [censored].

MagmaDragoon: I should why?

Alec: Because he told you to!

MagmaDragoon: Oh.

Some of the other Spiderwebbers have convinced Randomizer and Zeviz to try and summon lead, nobelium, and promethium. Zorro does not look happy to have been pulled away from his game yet again.

Robinator: Oh, this is exciting. I wish I were a mage!

Sir David: Shh! They're trying to concentrate.

Zeviz: Summon nobelium!

Zorro takes the summoned nobelium and combines it with Galactic Core to revive Thuryl.

Erika Maroonmark: Good. Now how about a few puns?

Randomizer: Summon icy promethium! Oops. Do you parasite think that...

Zorro: Whatever. It will work.

Zorro combines the promethium with Galactic Core. Zephyr Tempest is revived.

Zephyr Tempest: That's odd. My ice lances spell improved. I wonder why that is.

Meanwhile, Delicious Vlish is teaching Nick Ringer the finer points of agent strategy.

Nick Ringer: Do I get to cast daze?

Delicious Vlish: And mass daze, when you get it.

Nick Ringer: Sweet!

GoldenKing: Nothing is as sweet as aura of flames.

Delicious Vlish: Except, perhaps, this.

Delicious Vlish casts terror on GoldenKing. GoldenKing runs away in fear.

Delicious Vlish: As you can see, terror is also a very good spell.

Jewels is taking the damaged Periodic Table of Spiderweb down and replacing it with a new one. Mr. Bookworm is still reading. Zeviz summons some lead. Zorro revives Lazarus.

Lazarus: Dying repeatedly is not fun.

Tyranicus: You can say that again.

Mysterious Man: So now everyone is alive and back to normal again, right?

Arancaytar: Everyone except for Nikki.

Stughalf enters with the ferret trailing behind.

Stughalf: Hey, everyone.

Nikki: Hey, it's Stughalf! Look, Tyranicus. It's Stughalf!

Tyranicus: I don't believe it... you remembered my name!

Nikki: Yes, I... I can remember everything now.

Arancaytar: Now everyone is back to normal.

Kelandon: It's been a while since you were here last, Stughalf.

Stughalf: Yes, it has. So, what was the board like while I was gone? Fairly quiet?

Stew Boy: It is never quiet around here. Never.

The Lurker: Dintiradan, is this where we say something about your new plan to take over the board?

Dintiradan: No, that would be too cliché. Now go find me a copy of Homeland.