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Chapter 11: How To Become An Evil Overlord

Chapter 11: How To Become An Evil Overlord

Dintiradan's radiation sickness story allowed him to get a vehicle for himself, the Lurker, Stareye, and Alorael over Tyranicus and Arancaytar's objections.

Dintiradan recast the sleep spell on Alorael and Stareye. Then he turned to the Lurker. "What am I going to do with them? I can't let them wake up, or they'll alert Arancaytar and Tyranicus. I can't kill them, or they'll be able to alert everyone in Miscellaneous. And I can't keep them asleep forever."

The Lurker pulled out another bottle of skribbane. "I'm sure you'll be able to think of something."

"You're going through that awfully fast," Dintiradan warned, "You'll run out before too long."

The Lurker shrugged. "Then I guess I'll just have to go look for more."

"Yes, after we settle in, you should do that. Hmm. I suppose Alorael will start experiencing skribbane withdrawal soon. He probably won't be much of a danger to us after that. But... maybe I'm going about this the wrong way. After all, it doesn't matter what Alorael or Stareye say to Arancaytar and Tyranicus if they're already on my side." Dintiradan pulled out a new sheet of paper and began to write a new script.

"See, I knew you'd think of something." The Lurker tipped the bottle so that the last few drops fell onto his tongue.


Arancaytar and Tyranicus had the second vehicle.

"You don't believe a word of Dintiradan's story, do you?" Arancaytar asked.

"I believe the part about things going horribly wrong," Tyranicus muttered.

"Yes, but please tell me you don't believe it was because of a mistake on Stareye's part."

"I want to. I really want to. Because if it turns out that Dintiradan orchestrated all this, then..."

"We're doomed," Arancaytar said.

"Yeah. That."


Danielle, M'lew, Phil, and the three other surviving rats also had a vehicle to themselves.

"Do you think we can trust Dintiradan and the Lurker?" M'lew asked.

"I don't see why not," Danielle said.

"Yeah, they seem reasonable," Phil said.

"It just seems... oh, I don't know. You're probably right. I'm probably worried about nothing," M'lew said.


Zephyr Tempest, Duck, and Riibu were in a fourth vehicle. Riibu huddled in her chair and ignored the other two. Zephyr Tempest amused himself by summoning little creatures.

"How are you doing that?" Duck asked.

"Can you keep a secret?" Zephyr Tempest whispered.


"Shh! Then talk to Dintiradan. He'll help you."

"Really?" Duck asked.

"Yes." Riibu lifted her head to stare at them.

"Dintiradan offered to help you?" Zephyr Tempest looked confused. "What'd you ask for?"

Riibu sank back down in her seat and said nothing.

"Wait, you mean he can teach me more than summoning spells?" Duck asked.

Zephyr Tempest nodded.

"Yes!" Duck rubbed his hands together in glee.


Eternal Flame and EcksianBot stayed a safe distance away from Ecksian. They could hear him shouting at the surviving bots that had been responsible for guarding Spiderweb's secret exit.

"What should we do now?" EcksianBot asked.

"I don't know about you, but I'm going to take my flamers and my reward and go. Spiderweb was destroyed. What do I care about a few cowards who decided to escape?" Eternal Flame asked.

"Because the survivors might resurrect everyone and rebuild the place!"

"Well, tough luck for Ecksian then, huh?"


Dintiradan led the survivors to his message board. He had Alorael slung over his shoulder. The Lurker carried Stareye. They rounded a corner.

"Well, this is it," Dintiradan said.

Everyone else stared. It was gigantic and entirely lemon yellow. It did have an unusual number of spikes, though, and in a few places the yellow paint had peeled off to reveal black metal.

"The Bucolic and Completely Harmless Waystation?" Arancaytar asked.

"Yes," Dintiradan said.

"It's huge! How can you afford to maintain this? And it looks abandoned. How come it hasn't been completely swarmed by spambots?"

Dintiradan shrugged. "I find it's best not to ask these sorts of questions."

Duck had lagged behind a bit. Now he caught up and saw the message board for the first time. "Ooooooh." He fainted.

"What? Too bright and cheery?" Dintiradan asked.

"Yes," Tyranicus said.

"Oh, all right. Would someone pick up Duck please? The Lurker and I will leave Stareye and Alorael in the infirmary for now and then we'll give you a quick tour of the place."

Tyranicus looked to Arancaytar and nodded.

"I will stay in the infirmary with them. The radiation shouldn't effect me," Arancaytar said.

Dintiradan hesitated. "Well..."

"It isn't up for discussion," Arancaytar said.

Dintiradan shrugged. "All right, fine. If that's what you want to do, do it."

After the tour, Tyranicus joined Arancaytar in the infirmary. "How's it going?"

Arancaytar watched Alorael for a minute. He was very pale and breathing irregularly. "Stareye looks the same, but Alorael looks worse. I think skribbane withdrawal may be setting in."

"Will he be okay?"

"If we can find some skribbane, yes. If not, well, it's probably a good thing that he's unconscious."

"The Lurker has Alorael's bag of skribbane. I'll go find him." Tyranicus hoofed it out of the infirmary and to the Lurker's room. It was empty. Next, he tried Dintiradan's room.

Dintiradan sat at his desk, working on one of his scripts. He looked up. "Yes? What do you want?"

"Where's the Lurker?"

"He just left. He went to look for more skribbane. There are only a few bottles left. Is that what you were going to ask about next?" Dintiradan reached into one of the desk drawers and pulled out two bottles of skribbane. As he did so, he knocked the script onto the floor. It landed at Tyranicus' front hooves.

"Yes, I... how did you... what is this?" Tyranicus stared at the script.

"It's hard to explain, but basically it's a script that reverts the user's stats, statuses, and abilities to an earlier form. I'm not sure what sort of damage radiation sickness causes, so I'm preparing for the worst. Reverting their stats to right before the accident shouldn't cause any problems whatsoever."

Tyranicus read the script carefully. Then he read it again. "How in the heck did you come up with this?"

Dintiradan shrugged.

"And..." Tyranicus hesitated.


"...can you use it to turn me human again?"

"Of course."

"Woo hoo!" Tyranicus charged out of Dintiradan's room. "I get to be human again! Aran! Dintiradan's going to change me back!"

Dintiradan smiled as he picked up the script and resumed working on it.


The next morning, Dintiradan gathered everyone together. He sat at the edge of a large, raised platform while he waited for everyone to quiet down. Tyranicus and Zephyr Tempest stood behind him. Arancaytar hovered well away from the others, glaring at Tyranicus.

"Is anyone else here tired of being attacked and killed all the time?" Dintiradan asked.

There were several hesitant nods.

"Well, I think I found the answer," Dintiradan said. He held up a script. "For years, Niemand and the other scripters have been telling us that scripting can enable us to do just about anything. They were right. Zephyr Tempest and I spent all night looking for a way to help Alorael and Stareye. In the process, we discovered that scripting can do that and a lot more besides. It can even do things that magic cannot. Tyranicus has graciously agreed to demonstrate what it can do. Stand back, everyone."

Riibu, Duck, and the rats all backed away from the platform. Zephyr Tempest and Dintiradan jumped off of it.

"Are you ready, Tyranicus?" Dintiradan asked.

Tyranicus nodded.

"Okay then." Dintiradan set the script on a large rune carved into the platform. It glowed bright blue. Several other runes in the platform glowed blue as well. The light grew so intense that everyone closed their eyes and looked away. When the light faded enough that they could look again, Tyranicus was human again.

"Yes!" He examined himself carefully. "As good as new!" He tripped as he climbed off the platform and somehow managed to land in such a way that he snapped his neck.

"Well, that's encouraging!" Phil said.

"It is, actually. You see, before Tyranicus became a bull, he used to die like that all the time. It's a good indication that he really is entirely back to normal. Give me a little more time and we can begin reviving everyone and giving them protective powers, rather than just reversing negative effects," Dintiradan said.

Duck raised his hand. "Don't you go crazy when you mess with your stats, though?"

"If you use canisters, then yes. Scripts are perfectly safe, however. They don't touch your DNA, only your stats. I've used it myself and as you can see, I'm still perfectly sane."

Duck nodded. That seemed to make sense.

"Now what do you think, Arancaytar?" Dintiradan looked around. "Aran? Hey, where'd he go?"


Arancaytar flew back into the infirmary. He managed to roll Stareye out of bed. "Come on, wake up!" he screamed, "Dintiradan's taking over! What hope will Spiderweb have then?! Wake up! Wake up!"

Stareye didn't react.

Arancaytar turned to Alorael. He looked even worse now. "Fine, then. You wake up. Wake up and... go crazy with your sniper rifle... or something like that..." Arancaytar trailed off. It was obviously hopeless. He yanked the infirmary window open and flew away.


Everyone in the Miscellaneous Forum crowded around when Tyranicus appeared. He told them what he knew about Spiderweb's collapse and Dintiradan's scripting abilities.

Student of Trinity looked to Slartucker. "Well, this is worrisome, don't you think?"

Slartucker sighed. "Not worrisome, just disappointing. I guess Tyranicus wasn't cut for being a bovingelical."

"I'm referring to Dintiradan."

"Oh. Well, I suppose. On the other hand, this may be our chance to finally figure out what some of the trickier stats actually do. I've always wanted to know what luck actually does or whether moochanics has any effect beyond an increased ability to craft puns."